Tip 169: Ask a 1 year old Why?

As previously blogged, an enquiring mind can be encouraged in a baby by internalizing the different forms of questions: Who, Where, What, How, Which, When and Why. I was wondering then, at what age can the most crucial question form of 'why' be understood. I found the answer. Haruka now understands and uses the concept Why at age one already.

I was even impressed that Haruka knows that the question why is always followed with the answer "because". She would reply spontaneously with the answer "because", drag it, pause and give whatever reason she could think of or even just repeat the question.

Daddy asks,"Why do you like ice cream?". Haruka answers,"because ... oishii." (delicious in Japanese).

Daddy asks,"Why do you like dolphin?". Haruka answers,"because ... dolphin/or because Haruka like".

Notice that I would introduce the question "why" even when I would know Haruka would find it difficult to give an intelligent answer. It is part of communication. We are talking on items of interest to Haruka and these questions make her think. I noticed that as I continue to question her, the answers get more intelligent by the day.

I first introduced the concept of "why" to Haruka by giving her the question as well as the answer. I would ask,"Why are we going out?". Then I answer,"Because we want to see the dog." She is excited and repeats after me, "because see dog". After a while, when asked, she would repeat answers she previously heard, or even constructs her own reasons.

This is one step to a thinking baby. It reemphasizes the need for daddy to spend time communicating. Looking into the baby's eye, trying to understand his/her thought process and feelings.

(Photos show the Tokyo Imperial Palace. Had the priviledge to go on a free walking tour of the palace by very knowledgeable volunteers who aspire to be professional tour guides. Highly recommend the free tour. I now see the palace in a new light. From the Central Entrance of the Tokyo station that once was the only passage allowed for the imperial family, to the different gates of inspection which finally allows entrance to the gardens and the emperor's abode. According to rumours, if Tokyo does not get selected for Olympics in 2016, then the budget allocated for such a world event would be spent to be rebuilt the Edo Castle).

Tip 168: Flexible mortgage interest rates can be favorable

Flexible interest rates or also known as adjustable rate mortgage (ARM) is not fixed, but changes with the base lending rate which usually tracks the economy of the country. When I was applying for a mortgage loan to buy an apartment in Tokyo in 2007, I was planning on a 15 year loan period with a choice between a flexible interest rate or a fixed interest rate. At that time, the key interest rates set by the Bank of Japan was already low at 0.5%, one of the lowest in the world for a developed country. Most borrowers with longer loan periods or who want to play it "safe" would want fixed interest rates for the entire loan duration so the loan repayments are predictable and protected in the contract. Though of course, the bank would charge considerably higher for fixed interest rate loans. If I would choose a flexible interest rate, the rate at that time was 1.875%, while a fixed interest rate for 15 years would be 3.5%. Needless to say, I chose the flexible interest rate. Today, I am paying a rate of just 1.475% due to a rate cut by the Bank of Japan since December 2008 to 0.1%. Yet, the majority of home owners chooses to play safe, whether Japanese or foreigners and would in my opinion not gain throughout their loan period.

The cost of loan is so cheap in Japan. In fact, my Japanese bank offered me a low fixed rate of 1% for the first year and thereafter, the rate moves with the current interest rate. Just for a brief period between August to October, I paid the highest interest rate of 1.875% before the Bank of Japan started to cut its interest rate by 20 basis points twice in the year. When deciding for the flexible interest rates, I know Japan's GDP growth would never rise to 3.5% again to be able to support such interest rates. Furthermore, as the loan period is short and the amount not too huge, I planned for a contingency to pay off the loan earlier if the interest rate skyrockets. If that ever happens, it would mean land prices in Tokyo would shoot up exponentially which is to my favor to sell it at the high price. Else, I would just be content to collect consistent stable high rent income for as long as possible since my small apartment is at a central location. When the economy enters a recession, more Japanese would move to Tokyo to look for jobs and there would never be a problem to find someone to rent, just a little difficult to maintain high rent prices.

Anyone with different views? Developing countries do have a potential to spring surprises, though I doubt the common person on the street could outsmart the banker who factored in the higher cost in the fixed interest rate mortgage. Still want to play safe? Please share your views.

(Photos show Yebisu Garden Place with a large piazza to relax after shopping. Also houses the Yebisu beer museum with free admission and a treat of a tasting set of 4 mini sized beers costing just 500 yen at the end of your visit).

Tip 167: 1 year old baby learning names of others

By 1 year old, the baby should already be familiar with her own name. When you call her name or talk about her, she would listen more attentively, even if she does not understand fully what is being talked about. She knows its a conspiracy about her. After 1 year old, when the baby begins to speak, she may begin to use her name. This is especially when she has developed a concept of self. This is me and this is mine. She recognizes her face on the mirror, she knows that she sleeps at a certain pillow and wears shoes that are different from others. Haruka could say, "This is Haruka's, this is papa's, this is mama's". As well as in Japanese, Kore Harukano. Yet, how does a baby understand the meaning and concept of the word 'name'? It is difficult to teach the baby how to answer the question,"What is your name?" or "What is my name?". Yet, persistency in teaching pays.













Whenever I am walking to a destination for 10 up to 30 minutes while carrying Haruka, I would talk to her. Her ear is just below my chin so she can hear me clearly. So, one day I was teaching her the phrase, "What is your name? My name is Haruka" as I pointed to her. She repeated the last word of my question, and said name, as well as the second sentence with the reply "Haruka". But, when I ask her the question, she keeps repeating after me and not providing the answer I was hoping for. Yet, I tried it at a few other walking trips.













Then, one day, she answered with her name! I did not stop. I taught her the phrase, "What is papa name? Papa name is Philip. What is mama name? Mama name is Tomomi." She understood and answered correctly, though my name is pronounced by her even till today as flip. Then, to my amazement, she remembered our names at another walking trip when I quized her. I now focused on speed.













Later, the Sunday School teacher at Tokyo, called her Ann and her name tag was written as Ann. So, I asked Haruka her name and she said Ann. I told her that her name is Lee Haruka Ann. She repeated after me correctly as she now understood why the teacher called her Ann! I told her my name is Lee Philip and mama's name is Lee Tomomi. She repeated correctly sometimes. Though, she has not been consistently saying our full names yet. Maybe one day she would.













Little by little, the baby can start learning names of others once they understand the concept of a name. Then, longer and proper names can be taught. Try it.













(Photo shows Hakone overlooking the faint Mount Fuji on a not so clear day. Though, it could have been worse if it was covered with mist. Also showing the sulphurous Owakudani geiser valley along the Hakone ropeway ride at 1050 meters. There is tradition to eat an egg boiled there to add seven extra years to your life.)

Tip 166: Husband doing grocery shopping with a list

Grocery shopping for your wife can be humourous. That's because you need to remember that you are shopping for your wife and not for yourself. When I thought I wanted to have some hamburgers or sausages for dinner, my wife said, "why did you buy them? I am not going to cook them". She literally did not cook for 1 evening, with the excuse that I irritated her by filling the fridge up with things she would not like to eat. You just got to look at it as humorous, instead of concentrating on the evening without a good cooked dinner. Thankfully, she has grown and evolved from those encounters, and has since cooked (on only a few occasions) the hamburgers and sausages that I bought.












I too have evolved and now avoid looking out for bargains for food from China at low bargain supermarkets that my wife detest. I am learning to follow her instructions to read the labels to only get low pasteurized milk instead of just any milk that has a nice carton with a good price tag. Once, I would buy a packet of white rice, thinking it would be a welcomed change for once to our routine brown rice, and then again no cooked dinner for the day.












Furthermore, my wife prefers organic vegetables if there is an option. In some cities like London, those vegetables are labelled clearly. Other cities, they are not and my wife would be suspicious if I would not succumb to the urge of getting good looking vegetables at lower prices. So she would go on a rage when I do buy vegetables home, especially when her day has not been smooth sailing.












Yeap, I am not such a perfect daddy after all. Other daddies would not make so many mistakes or make so many rebellious shopping decisions. Other daddies also has a better hand at cooking their own dinners. Though, I am quite a contented daddy as I have done without oily, well seasoned, tantalizing spicy yummy food for a long while, and sticked to a diet of healthy eating. The Japanese have this phrase "Shouganai" (What to do/There is no point of talking about it anymore).












You could talk about it if seen as humor. So anymore humorous stories to share, daddies? or mummies?












(Photos show my final random photos of London: by the river Thames, at the Tower of London, street performer by the London Eye, the red Holborn Bars, headquarters of Prudential Assurance . After a long day, Haruka collapses on my lap).

Tip 165: Motivating a 1 year old

From age 1 year old, parenting begins to be fun when you get responses from your baby and know that your baby understands you. It is a joy to see a baby learns and is able to understand reason and even knowing between good and bad little by little each day. Parents have an important role to play to be involved in communication as much as possible, since the child values communication with the parents the most. Even if the child communicates with the baby sitter, grandparents or pre-school teacher, they learn the most from their parents as they have the strongest bond with the parents. That's when daddies can motivate the baby by knowing what would interests them. Communicate with positive words or signs that interest the baby such as the words play, teddy bear, food, going out, butterfly or dolphin.

Of late, many child psychologists encourage parents to communicate with the baby when the baby starts to have interest to communicate starting from 6 months or even earlier. They advise parents to use sign language of common needs of the baby. They also mentioned that besides common needs like pain, eat, drink or sleep, the baby also has other interests. When daddy can understand these interests, they are powerful motiviting influences on the baby towards the baby's behavior.

For Haruka, food that she likes offers the strongest motivating influence to her. Second most motivating word is going out. Haruka may not get as excited if I tell her that I would take her to see the sea lion, dolphin or butterfly as she knows that it may not happen instantly or she may not have the mood for that particular animal at that moment. Yet, food satisfies her craving immediately and she would listen immediately to what I would tell her.

On Saturday night, when daddy and mummy were preparing the snack for Haruka to bring to Sunday school, Haruka was so excited. I asked Haruka what would be inside her bag and she says "oishi oishi" (delicious). I told her that she has to sleep early so that tomorrow she can wake up early to go to church. She immediately lay down on her pillow. Then, later she pestered mummy to turn off the lights. When the lights were off, she continued playing with her toys and singing and laughing in the dark. But at least, she listened and tried to obey for a single second.

The next day, I was constantly telling Haruka not to cry when I send her to the playroom while I would leave her to attend the church service. I told her she can eat her snack. She did cry last week for a shorter period when she had snack in her bag for the first time.

When I came to pick up Haruka after the church service was over, I asked the helpers and they said Haruka did not cry today. The motivation worked! All this while she would cry when not accompanied, but she decided to make the best of the playroom that day. She could do it if she wants to. With a little bit of motivation from daddy as well.

Have you tried motivating a 1 year old baby? Try it. Positive words make this world a better place.

(Photos show the Bridge of Sighs, Oxford Castle, Oxford city, Worcester College and a cemetery along Queen's lane which completes my Oxford photo collection).

Tip 164: All of us can DO something

I was inspired after reading an article about 2 teachers in Japan who wanted to make a difference in this world. They were teaching kids in Japan about global warming and the threat of extinction to the orangutan due to deforestation in Borneo (a land I am passionate about since my mission trip there). They were shocked when they received a common reply in the kids homework such as, "We can't do anything about that because we are students", or "Those issues are happening overseas, and because we are Japanese, we can't do anything about them".












Yet, Michael and Miki Tan decided they got to DO something. They planned a 3,000km travel along the whole stretch of the peninsular of Japan by walking on bamboo stilts (takeuma in Japanese). This travel will involve visiting many Japanese schools along the route, to get the kids to walk together in stilts to raise US$50,000 in donations to protect rainforests land in Borneo. Their message is clear. No matter how impossible something may seem, such as saving a forest or walking 3,000 km on stilts, if you just put your head down and start, anything is possible. Can you imagine whether it is even possible to walk for just 3 meters on long bamboo stilts?












Kids these days are pampered with attention, comfort and convenience. Haruka is at an age where she could walk well, but would ask me to carry her if we are walking for more than 5 minutes. She knows her loving dad would oblige. Would our dad or grandparents done the same previously? They had more children and a cultural norm that children should just be tougher to bear the hardships of those times. While I have a stroller, I rather not use it in our travels as it slows us down, as well as put me at a greater distance from talking to Haruka. Plus, Haruka could understand that effort and energy is involved in carrying her. That's the least I can DO as a dad, if I have not been doing more as my wife would want me to remember. I will continue to instill in Haruka the sense that she can make a difference. Rather than drown herself in video games or movies one day, she can actually walk on stilts, if not do more. Daddy got to try this one day too. But, first gotta get Haruka to walk on her own 2 feet more. She is starting to weigh more than 10kg very soon and exhausting daddy much. Daddies, encourage the babies whenever possible and not let them drown themselves on complacency and comfort.












Please do visit this blog that talks about the Pongo Hogo Hogo Challenge. 1 Year, 2 Stilts, 3,000 km and do consider to donate to the cause. They probably would head their way to Malaysia and Indonesia upon the completion of their Japan stint. I will see if I can be part of that even... who knows. Anything is possible.












(Photos show Haruka at the Victoria and Albert museum, London displaying art exhibits around the world and Trafalgar Square).

Tip 163: A friendly safe community without strangers

Centuries ago or even decades ago to some extent, before capitalism and the growth of large cities, communities were close knitted. Everyone knew one another. Children would play outside their home or at neighbours home, or along streams and gardens. When someone passes by, they would greet each other and ask about the child's family. There would be smiles exchanged. When a stranger from outside town comes by, the children would know. The older community members would know as well and would observe from afar, if not approach the person to find out courteously. This builds love in a child to know others care. This teaches the child to smile genuinely. This helps develop a sense of identity in the child through the people who love the child. This develops courage out of trust. The child learns that he/she is a valuable part of the society. People are happy to have the child and the child feels a sense of belonging.

The advent of large dense populated cities, see high rise apartments inhabited by hundreds of people who work long hours and seldom meet one another. The big cities attract migrants from other towns and its too hard for anyone to keep track of who is new and who is part of the community. Then, there are illegal immigrants or foreigners who do not have a sense of love for the community or may even harbour an interest for crime. The ever increasing crime rates and brutality of crime creates fear and mistrust. Parents advise their children not to speak with strangers. The family seldom relaxes out in the open, but would rush out of their guarded homes into other safe territories. The child still learns to smile, but through watching commercials of beautiful people. The child learns to build a strong self-identity through achievements, and courage through self-defense and anger. The child becomes independent and adaptable, yet may sometimes lack understanding and empathy of others in the community.

There are varying degrees of safety, friendliness and community in different cities in different parts of the world. It is not necessary that large metropolitan cities are less ideal for bringing up children. I rate community feeling by watching how strangers smile at Haruka on the streets and in the train. In Tokyo for instance, even when it is one of the largest metropolitan cities, there are many pockets of neighbourhoods everywhere that are less populated. Only during peak hours in trains, train stations and lifts, you would experience excessive crowding. Many elderly people on the streets would not hesitate to make a short remark of how cute Haruka is and smile. Same goes for London, a little less for Paris as most of the remarks were from tourist we bumped into during our travel. For Hong Kong, one has to select exclusive residential areas like Discovery Bay where there are many open space and expats, else the quick and noisy lifestyle seem to drown the need to exchange pleasantries with strangers. In Malaysia, there is a community of very friendly people yet safety concerns has begun to inhibit such communities only within the confines of the homes of friends, churches, mosques, restaurants and hotel events. In New York, I read about a Spanish who was accustomed to his friendly community back home, played with a cute girl in a mall and was reprimanded by the mother who took the child away from his arms.

Though, these general examples do not do justice to the possibilities of how we can do our part to create communities. We can make it a point where practical, to trade pleasantries and smiles to other children. A friendly gesture can go a long way to build an esteem in a child towards love and hope. An observant eye towards crime can build confidence towards the efforts anyone can contribute towards a community.

Have you as a stranger told a child, how smart or cute he or she is? Try it today.

(Photos show Haruka at the aviary in Hong Kong park and more of the Hong Kong skyline).

Tip 162: Talking about grandparents with baby

Living abroad, away from the daily proximity of grandparents and relatives of both daddy and mummy may not be so ideal. Yet, daddy and mummy can make efforts to rekindle thoughts of them with the baby. It helps to have frequent phone calls and visits, but we can also playback video of previous visits, or even bring them up during story telling.

I was reading a story book with Haruka that have a picture of a family of mice. She recalled the last time I told her that there was a daddy and mummy mouse on that picture. So she pointed and said excitedly at baby, papa, mama, then she pointed oba-chan (grandmother), ojisan (grandfather) at the older mice. That's such a good thought for a 1 year old to be thinking about - family. In fact, this is something that many babies thinks about. So, when watching kids programs, there are always good opportunities to talk about family with your baby. Of course, the talk would be reinforced with frequent visits or even stay overs as often as possible.

Maybe photos are useful too? I do not put too many photoframes of family members in my home and may want to adopt this practice later. What are other ways?

(Photos show Haruka at the Hong Kong Museum of Art and Science Museum. Probably the encounter with the astronaut gave her nightmare cries at night).

Tip 161: Reading in both languages

I am impressed by Haruka's vocabulary development. She already has quite a sizeable listening and speaking vocabulary for both Japanese and English language for a baby under 2 years old. Of course, girls pick up languages quicker, yet daddy is still gleaming with pride of his princess. I am glad we started her bilingual even under 6 months old by speaking in 2 languages. I am also glad we started reading to her early. Now, as I read to Haruka, I can test her vocabulary for both languages. If she says correctly "sakana" when seeing fish in the book, I read out fish. I know her listening vocabulary already registers it, but she just forgot to say it. Yet, during this raining season, she could say "kasa umbrella" quickly when I point to the picture of the umbrella.

There is no need to worry whether the baby speaks with improper language and grammar when mixing 2 languages. In fact, it helps to build the baby's memory when the baby could associate 2 words together. A mother was worried that her child was still using some baby language together with an English word. For instance, baby says,"mum mum, eat". I would instead encourage such habit and even introduce a third foreign word with eat. Soon, the baby will give up using the baby language since it is less used in daily conversation with others. Though, the concept of having more than 1 word to describe an action or noun is best learn soonest possible. Even if the baby mixes between languages, the most important is that the baby is able to express himself/herself with as many words he/she can think of immediately.

Interestingly, a Japanese research found that Japanese babies used less nouns than babies from English-speaking countries. In Japan, babies used five times more nouns than verbs, while its 12:1 in English-speaking countries. The researcher explains that English-speaking parents emphasizes teaching on the words and names of things, while in Asia, parents tend to stress emotions and feelings.

So do you emphasize more nouns than verbs or the other way around? Have you started your baby on a second language?

(Photos show more fun at Hong Kong Ocean Park and tasty, unhealthy, yummy Hong Kong food).

Tip 160: Steamy hot freshness hoka-hoka (ホカホカ)

Another Japanese phrase that I am introducing is again that which stimulate the senses. The aroma of fresh food cooked at just the right temperature, its hot steam rising to touch the face or fingers. This could be rice out of the rice cooker or hot baked sweet potatoes (焼き芋/yakiimo). For instance, during cold evenings, the Japanese have this iconic traditional street vendor who pushes a cart called ishi yakiimo (stone roasted sweet potato). The vendor uses the loud speaker and begins to chant,"yaki-imo, ishi yaki-imo, hoka hoka dayo" (It is steaming hot). People would come out to the cold to trade their coins for a paper wrapped sweet potato that will burn their fingers, and rush back to their homes. The irresistible smelling steam warms the room and awakens the senses, bringing a reminder of the cold season and the simple freshness of food from the ground, cooked in its simplest form providing the basic sustenance needed.

That is the Japan that celebrates simplicity and fresh natural food, bland they may be but offers sweetness from the ground. The presence of steamy hot food during cold winter seems like a ritual no different from watching the sakura at the start of spring, cooling down with shave ice at the beach in summer or queing up to see autumn leaves along the Irohazaka slopes of Nikko. The hot steam is temporal, yet is appreciated and celebrated for its purpose, role and meaning. Another example of the wabi-sabi concept.

Not tried this with Haruka, though she loves sweet potato and yam. What about other street vendors you miss and hope to introduce to your kids?

(Photos show Haruka playing at the amusement park at Hong Kong's Ocean Park).

Tip 159: Lending a hand to daddy

It was the second time Haruka laughed with excitement after handing the towel to me as I asked her to hand it to me through the bathroom door. Nope she did not see me naked. She was just thrilled that she did something useful and was laughing, clapping her hands and telling mummy. She is very glad to be doing stuff, though she has not seen too many opportunities yet. Somehow, picking up her toys does not make her feel responsible. But, daddy have been planting the seed of encouragement that she is becoming a big girl/sister (one-chan in Japanese) like the children in the Barney DVD. At times, when the chore is not something she likes, she says a loud "No!" that she is still a baby. Other times, there is an accomplished smile.

Its just amazing how spending time with young children can make so much difference. They are at an age where they yearn attention. Probably the age where the sponge assorbs most when provided with the best nutrients. Though, sometimes, we may see it in a negative light that they are being demanding and attention craving. Yes, Haruka would cry sometimes when we leave the room longer than expected while she is playing or watching her DVDs. That's because she knows the best way to learn is to have full participation from daddy and mummy. I begin to notice Haruka appreciates the people who teaches her and participates with her in interesting activities. For instance, my mother in law asked Haruka to help her pick tomatoes in her backyard in her home in Ishigaki island. Now, Haruka sees each tomato with excitement and probably have a fond memory of her Japanese grandmother.

What are simple chores fit for a 1 year old? I have not tried getting a small baby broom and pan yet. :)

(Photos show the Green Park, Piccadily Circus and the statue of Anteros, the Wellington Arch near Hyde Park corner and the Royal Academy of Arts, London).

Tip 158: A snack box for Sunday School

Haruka has not gone to school yet or to anywhere alone from daddy and mummy. So every week when she goes to Sunday School, she would cry for 10-15 minutes upon seeing us disappearing as we sneek out. In fact, during a few occasions, we would even stay back at the Sunday School to accompany Haruka.

This will probably not happen for our next child. Also, Tomomi is now a bit more confident of Sunday Schools outside Japan, as well as achieved a quicker familiarisation curve to integrate into foreign churches abroad. Previously, she sometimes would seek refuge by accompanying Haruka at the Sunday School instead of attending the service.

We recently discovered a simple discovery that probably all church going parents already knew. Prepare a snack box and water for their children even if it was just for 1-2 hours. Then, place it in a cute bag that can fit the 1 year old. Guess what? Haruka was excited the whole journey to church and was eagerly waiting for Sunday School to open her snack box to show the other children.

This acts as a symbol that Haruka has her own bag and need not be depending on her parents to meet her needs. So, when she brings the bag, she is reminded that she will be going to Sunday School alone. Though, that thought did not sound negative as there is food in the bag. Not sure when this novelty will wear out.

As it is, Haruka did cry anyway on her first day bringing the bag, but for a shorter period. Then, the Sunday School helpers took out her snack and her munching on the food stopped her crying. Wonder if she would cry again next Sunday.

(Photos show previously attended Canary Wharf's The Barge Sunday School and a usual wet day in London).

Tip 157: Benefits of watching Barney?

Haruka's favorite DVD is the purplesaurus king of kiddie pop, Barney & Friends. Ever since 7 months old, Haruka was introduced to Barney after I brought back a few budget Barney DVDs from Malaysia. At first, it seemed harmless as it did amuse Haruka and gave Tomomi some break time for toilet or to cook a meal.

After 1 year old, Haruka would actually request the same few DVDs be watched over and over again a few times a day. Though, we did not relent when she insisted on the DVD over mummy and daddy's TV programs. Haruka begin to observe when possibly she could get what she wants, when mummy and daddy's body language shows they are not too interested in certain TV programs.

This brings us to question if watching too much TV is good. Haruka does not go to school or nursery yet. Tomomi would accompany Haruka at a playcenter or playground for 2-4 hours, 3-5 times a week if the weather is good. At other times, Haruka enjoys playing and reading with us, but she would still like to watch the Barney DVD or other kids program on the TV. Yet, Tomomi ensures she has a balance of different activities for the day and not have more than 5 hours of Barney.

Society has changed that decades ago, kids would just play in the garden of the home, go over to a neighbour's home or play by a large nature area and not be confined in small space indoors. Yet, the TV has also increased the possibility of learning, enlarging the imagination of the child and allowing the child to recall different things observed. If daddy and mummy were to teach without DVD, they may not recall everything the child observed before.

Kids program can motivate the child to learn in a fun way by observing other kids in the program learning and singing. Yet, the better way is for daddy and mummy to be present at least sometimes to talk to the child while watching the program. For instance, asking the child whether he likes an elephant after watching it. I would also take the opportunity to encourage Haruka to emulate the kids by saying they seldom cry and they must have been eating a lot to be able to jump and dance so well. Then, when we are busy, we can make it a point to take leave and after some pacifying, the child will learn to be content with the quality time spent. This is much better than feeling guilty for not doing anything and giving up, or take the children out on a family project that one is not prepared for or have the attention and concentration for it.

I have not reached the stage where I have to ban certain TV programs for Haruka as she volunteers to not see TV programs that seem to be violent or scary. Probably by watching kids program, she could differentiate between what are pleasant and fun programs with interesting lessons compared to those that are a waste of time. Interestingly, Haruka even teased that she wanted Barney to be her papa, but just one. Probably to push me to be a more fun daddy.

How much time do your kids watch kids programs? Any benefits or bad side effects to share?

(Photos show Bleinheim Palace gardens and a short kids rail line to Pleasure Garden with fun play zones. That's Haruka's first hand at golf after many demonstrations by papa).

Tip 156: Tsuru tsuru (ツルツル) art of slurping

I decided to start a series of blogpost probably twice a week, on interesting Japanese phrases that speak of its culture. This would brush up my Japanese as well. Plus, many of these phrases are picked up from my toddler, Haruka. Though, not the next phrase as she has not mastered the art of eating noodles the Japanese way, as she needs us to slice the noodles before feeding her. Slurping slippery smooth noodles is called tsuru tsuru (ツルツル). As you pronounce this, notice your lips in lip-o-suction position. The first sylable sucks the noodle together with more soup based sauce. The second sylable exhales to cool it, yet gaining enough momentum to complete sucking a second time.

That explains how a Japanese could finish a bowl of noodles in 5 minutes. Some actually argue that the taste of the noodle is to be felt in the throat, not the tongue. By swallowing them whole, the texture and taste of the noodle is complete. This can be performed on ramen or udon with its hot soup, or cold soba or cold somen with its light flavoured dipping sauce. You are actually less likely to burn your mouth when slurping, as opposed to having spoonfuls of hot noodles in your mouth. For cold soba, slurping is part of the ritual to get the full experience of the simple healthy goodness of soba. First, watch the preparation of the soba, smell it, while holding the bowl of dipping sauce, dunk only half the soba noodles and slurp. The flavor of the soba is experienced with all senses.

The key to slurping is to loosen your lips for a short decisive slurp. Though, if you are in a ramen shop with other hungry Japanese, slurp all you want. Most importantly, you enjoy it and it shows from your slurping. Of course, the performance in slurping depends in part on the smoothness of the noodles, yet it takes two to tsuru tsuru. Or one if you have became one with the smoothness of the noodles. :)

(Photos show more of Blenheim Palace).

Tip 155: Nightmare cries

On a whole, Haruka has been a pleasant child to care for. She seldom cries. She is attached to mummy and would cry when mummy goes out, but after a while she would be distracted by my playful attention. She is also seldom sick and have never caused a mess by vomiting, probably due to a stronger immune system through breastfeeding. Her cries are often shortlived by the distraction of daddy and Haruka probably knows its a waste of energy crying over spilt milk.












Though, she has been crying 5-10 minutes in the middle of the night lately. While blogging, I hear her crying, then mummy comforts her. She still sleeps next to us and that would change as we move to a bigger place soon. So her crying has nothing to do with being separated from us. It is probably due to nightmares. I can't recall watching a horror movie today, though I watched Sweeney Todd movie DVD yesterday by myself but when mummy and Haruka came back, they caught the final 10 minutes.












Whenever Haruka sees a scary part in a movie or a mannequin, she would say "kowai" (scary in Japanese), but would not be disturbed by it. She carries on smiling and playing with her toys or walks away. Yet, these scary pictures probably stays in her memory much longer.












I read up on remedies, among others include a warm bath before bed and a nice bedtime story. Have not been reading bedtime stories as we usually switch off the lights while Haruka continue to play, talk and sing herself to sleep. Probably nightmares are unavoidable.












Anyone have any remedies? Of course, mummy have been advising me not to select those serial killing DVDs, but I can't help it when it was a musical involving Johnny Depp.












(Photos show more of Blenheim Palace).

Tip 154: Recycling hazard

Japan is one of the top countries successful in its drive to reduce garbage waste and increase recyling. It is ranked the highest in the world for recycling plastic PET bottles. Its drive is linked partly to its desire of not wanting to utilize land fills for garbage to promote a more beautiful country, as well as to reduce the cost of incinerating its garbage. Though, a more admirable quality lies in many Japanese who love and respect the environment and feel a sense of pride when adhering to noble laws. Even, if it means sorting garbage every week into 10 categories such as burnable, non-burnable, small metals, plastics, batteries, used cloth, recyclable newspaper, recyclable glass, recyclable plastic and bulky refuse (that requires extra disposal fees). This humorous article even talks about a prefecture in Japan that has 44 categories of garbage!

I think recycling can turn into a compulsion, no different from some who find refuge in excessive hand washing. The very act of recycling may even incur more energy and bring detriment to the environment if for instance due to over-emphasis of washing recyclable goods. And how do these Japanese unlearn their recycling compulsion abroad? Hereby, my term recycling hazard, though not commonly used by others.

Tomomi by nature likes things neatly disposed of. Not all Japanese are as sophisticated as her, who would fold beautifully a chopstick, sweet or tissue wrapper before leaving it on the table of the restaurant, or home of the host who have invited us for dinner. I look forward to the day, to blog about Haruka folding her first wrapper. Its a form of respect and polite gesture to leave things beautifully disposed. No different from the signboard at scenic sights that say "take only photos/memories, leave only footprints".

Though, there is simply too much effort spend on recycling voluntarily as even not all Japanese bachelors would comply. When milk cartons are consumed, some Japanese like Tomomi, would cut it the way that it has been instructed, wash it, dry it and bring it to the nearest supermarket which has a bin placed by the manufacturer of the milk carton. She even does that in London before throwing it together with all the other waste. Then, she was worried if we should just use any bags to store the garbage, or whether there is a certain garbage bag used in London. Well, the answer is simple. Garbage are garbage everywhere else in the world. They get little respect and get dumped out of the home. Some apply for immigration status to enter Japan for the VIP treatment received.

Do you think an over emphasis on recycling with a code of thick laws are detrimental and pose a recycling hazard? Or is it good knowledge that the rest of the world need to emulate else, such ignorance is no different than other sin? Your different views are respected and welcomed here.

(Photos show Blenheim Palace at Oxfordshire, less than an hours drive from Oxford city).

Tip 153: Daddy bath time while it last

I blogged on bathing Haruka when she was around 3 months old and again when she was 6 months to a year old. Then, she was dependent on daddy's support while bathing her and to teach her to play in the bath tub.

After 1 year old, babies can most certainly sit in the bath tub by themselves. They are no longer fearful of being alone in the water. Daddies role then is to talk to her and keep her bath time exciting. But, this special time would not last forever, as the baby begin to develop their sense of space and independent play.

After 1 year old, I noticed Haruka enjoys talking and listening more than just mere playing. She observes different creative ways to play with the water. She enjoys me singing to her while bathing. She enjoys me talking to her. It is the best opportunity for daddy to build quality time to communicate.

I would ask Haruka, "how was your day today? Are you happy today?". Even if she does not answer, she understands. Later, as this is repeated regularly, she would nod when its a yes, and later, she even speaks about what she did in simple words. "Did you play with the babies? Are the babies clever and good today?". I always try to ask Haruka questions that she can say yes to or nod. This allows her to be happy to communicate as she can respond and knows that I understand her communication.

Though, whenever daddy is busy for a few days in a row, that bath time role can easily be lost. At an age where Haruka begins to like to play or do things her way, she would find the bath tub too crowded for 2 people. That is a sign that the child is growing. Now, I still have a chance to feed her and later drive her. But, I doubt she would stay a baby forever. Nor daddy's little girl.

Do you daddies still bath your kids? How old are they? Do you leave them to play after the initial scrub and cleaning?

(Photos show evidence of daddy spending time to bath Haruka (with his swimming trunks daily), and my last few photos of Paris at the Museum Carnavalet, Opera Garnier and the Obelisque).

Tip 152: Bean bags can be fun

Bean bags (or batu seremban as called in Malaysia or Otedama as called in Japan) can be played by even babies under 2 years old. The objective is not to have game rules but to have fun balancing and throwing the bean bags. As in all new toys, daddy need to be involved in showing how it is played. Sometimes, put in some sound effects since many words are still too complicated for under 2 year olds. Lots of laugh and clowning around helps to make the game interesting. Then, slowly creativity makes its way when the baby is used to the toy and explores it.

In Japan, it is only 3 bean bags instead of 5 as in Malaysia. I started playing the balancing game on my hand by trying not to let any fall on the floor, but to balance all 3 bean bags on my hand. Whenever, any of the bean bags fall, I would make a funny remark and expression on my face which kept Haruka in stitches. As I did it a few times, she understood the idea of balancing something on one's hand. She could not balance it on her small hands like I could, but its a soft object that is good for tossing. One day, while playing, she balanced it on her head and laughed whenever it dropped. What a good way to learn balancing and even to develop a sense of humour. This is a simple example of how simple objects can be fun to play with and yield creative lessons. No need to be shopping for the latest gadgets from Toys"R"Us. There will always be an opportunity to pamper our kids with expensive toys, once they go to school and start comparing toys with other kids. Rather, at an early age, time spent in playing together means more. The money on toys can all be saved.

Any other fun classic games for under 2 year olds? Please do share.

(Photos show the Seine river, the Pont Alexandre III bridge and Moulin Rouge, Paris).

Tip 151: Commanding your spirit aloud

I had the pleasure of listening to the Haydn & Mendelssohn Bicentenary Choral Concert in Tokyo presented by the British Embassy Choir and Orchestra. That was a luxury as babies are not allowed at concert and I am away from the helpful hands of family members. It was a pity that I missed all the musicals while in London. Hopefully, when the children are big enough to enjoy it, we can go together as family one day. The concert presented Felix Mendelssohn Bartholdy's Wie der Hirsch schreit (Psalm 42) among others. Through Mendelssohn's music, I could feel the loud commanding of David (of the bible) to his soul, to put his trust in God in Psalm 42:5. How very true that in all the melancholy, there needs to be the firm command and instruction to our soul to focus on 1 thing. Stop dwelling on the wrong thought and emotion. Instead, focus on God and trust Him. For through God, all praises and joy burst flow. Through God, salvation and help is present. At times, there needs to be a time to retreat into a solitary place to gain perspective. At other times, a mere habit of rebuking one's spirit to focus on the right thing.

David yearns for the days when he had the highest spiritual experience and God was using Him greatly to lead others on something important to God. He felt special and important then. He felt God was so close to him then. Success can sometimes be a double edged sword to make you wish for the best things in life that you had, but which you may not always get. Often times, God does not work on man's schedule and wants, but through His timing. When we do see the big picture later, we would understand why we should have been patient. Yet, before that time comes, melancholy could sip into the spirit. That's when a loud command to focus on the right thing is necessary. I look back and recall so many such melancholy at play. It could drag for long periods. The downcast spirit inside me makes me feel that I have done something wrong, such that I could not achieve the same greatness and same experience I had with God previously. Yet, the only thing I needed to do was just be content and trust in God for His timing. Rather, the downcast spirit many times would lead you to be impatient, and drift away on self pity which leads to possibilities of doing wrong things and giving up on God. Hence, before that happens, one needs to command aloud the spirit to trust in God.

Isn't this so true? Anyone have no periods of melancholy? Guys have it less as they head for arcade or computer games to focus not on heart matters, but I think that's just temporal.

(Photos show St Eustache church, Forum Les Halles, Gare Du Nord and Pl Des Victoires, Paris)

Tip 150: Instilling spontaneous kindness

I am currently in Tokyo for a holiday before starting my next assignment. Good chance for us earlier to stay in Okinawa, so the whole family could catch up with my in laws and for them to spend as much time as they want with Haruka, while me and Tomomi finally have our break time to be alone together. For a brief week, Tomomi stayed at Okinawa a while longer, while I had errands in Tokyo.

Went to church by myself and an interesting encounter got me reflecting on this blog post. It was raining and I just finished church service. Had a stroll in the drizzle which I wouldn't do with family. Though on clear days, a stroll down safe Japanese streets adorned with flowers is much more pleasant than the train ride. On a quiet street, a father and his son aged less than 10 years passed by me and asked me for directions if I knew where a particular badminton racquet shop was. He was holding a wet leaflet with the addrress and details of discounts available. I said I did not know where it was. But, I continued to tell him that I knew that the street we are at would unlikely have this shop. I told him he could walk accross to the other side where there was a large sports shopping complex. His son's eyes gleamed hoping his dad would give up and his dad gave a quick nod. His son thanked me. I continued walking and looked back. His dad was still searching the street signs.

I went ahead to window shop while a thought came to mind that I could actually had accompanied them to the large sports shopping complex and bought his son a racquet. It could be his first racquet. It could be more expensive without discounts, but I doubt they were eyeing the designer labels of the highest price tags. It must be stressful to support a family in Tokyo with a hard labourer's wages and want to give the best to your children. The materialistic kids these days would give the pressure of owning the best. They say if you want to win in sports, you have to have the best racquet, the best gear. If you want to get an A grade in art, you must have the best paint brush, best paintset. Poor daddy. Just wanting to see the gleaming pride of his son appreciating his dad's labour of love. I was back again at the same street to head home and was praying that the duo would be still there, but there were gone. Else, I could have mustered courage to offer kindness even if it was declined.

If only I had spontaneous kindness. I naturally have spontaneous lies. Spontaneous hands to grab free samples. Spontaneous eyes to see the curves. Spontaneous driving skills to maneuver a traffic jam. Spontaneous reflects to stop a snatch thief. Once a decade ago, on my first day of a part time job selling F1 tickets at the Malaysian Sepang International Circuit, a European customer commended me of my reflects when the customer before him tried to steal my cash at the ticket counter. I was swift to held it away even after a long day dealing with countless people and considering it was my first time selling tickets ever in my life. So why no spontaneous kindness? I am sure it comes with training. First, the need to blog to start a paradigm shift in my mind to have full resolve. Next, to start on many small acts of kindness of giving instead of always taking. I think quantity breeds quality. Though, for some, you could excel even if it was your first time.

There are so many small kindness that may be insignificant, yet makes this world a better place. Paying the toll fare for the car behind you to save someone's time, paying for someone's bus fare when they are out of change, or meal when their wallets are dry. It does battle with the mind that ultimately all these contradicts with the very goal of saving and thus spontaneous kindness is difficult. But once we taste appreciation, its every penny worth it. I was teaching in Sunday School years back and a kid from another class had a tape on his crooked spectacles from falling apart. I asked him why and he said he knew his dad would not buy a new one for his careless accident. The next week, I took that boy and his friend for a drink and we stopped by the optician and ordered a new pair of student budget glasses. He got a good vision and a smarter image. I no longer see him or know what he is currently doing, but his smile was worth every penny. Though, back then, it was not spontaneous either and I could have missed the chance if he had not came the following week.

Readers, please do share any success stories on instilling spontaneous kindness?

(Photos show the Museum Louvre and the Louvre Palace and the Tuileries Garden next to it).