Daddy Parenting Tips

Tip 252: Eat a work of art

2011-11-24T01:26:00.000-08:00

As I enter Tanjung Pagar Complex, a hawker center in Singapore, even from a distance I can hear the sound of wok clanging. It is however but from one stall that echoes through the whole complex.

The cook is dedicated to ensure every single strand of noodle of his c har kway teow dish is fried evenly as he tosses and turns the noodles. Even when there is a long queue of customers, it does not stop him from concentrating on his craft on each and every plate cooked to perfection. He does not believe in cooking a few dishes together in one wok, even when the wok is large enough or if certain customers order the same dish.

While I am unsure if this is the best char kway teow stall in Singapore, I certainly appreciate every ounce of dedication put into the noodles. The blend of prawns, oil, egg, Chinese sausage and chili absorbs evenly into the noodles, together with a simmer of lime makes it just right for my palate - the umami after taste. For SGD2.50 a dish, his passion is beyond monetary value.

Another place I enjoy appreciating a work of fine craftsmanship in food is at the Jalan Berseh Ice Kachang (shaved ice) stall. The owner is a humble man who does not believe in placing awards at his stall, even when he has a steady flow of customers when he starts opening the stall at noon. He has a winning ice shaver machine that shaves the finest ice I have ever tasted. If I could be his consultant, I will re-brand his SGD1.20 ice kachang to Snow Ice delights and charge double or triple the price as its a differentiator from the rest :)

But, again the best dishes do not depend on a wok or a machine. The attention to detail rest in how his hand churns the bowl to precisely capture the shaved ice and how he garnishes this dessert with the right amount of milk, syrup and other condiments such as corn, red beans, kidney beans and attap chee.

After a few visits, I was curious on the secret of the distinct aromatic taste of the syrup. It has the right level of sweetness and a natural taste to it. I enquired from the owner and he said he does not buy it from suppliers, but makes the syrup from natural ingredients. This must be the reason many customers can taste the difference and even after the lunch time crowd leaves, this is the only dessert stall that never stops churning its machine.

Only between 5-8pm, I can get this refreshing desert quick enough to relieve the stress of work. As I ponder upon such excellent workmanship, I aspire to plan for my next day’s work with hopefully the same rigor, passion and drive to excellence and craftsmanship as these two cooks.

(Top photo is the Penang Style variant while second is black sauce Seafood Char Kway Teow from second floor of Tanjung Pagar Complex on top of the market. Next is the ice kachang at Jalan Berseh Food Center. Sayaka's first swimming pool experience was during her first church camp held at Palm Resort Le Grandeur Hotel, Senai Johor).

Tip 251: Chiropractic for kids

2011-11-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

I was joining my wife with the kids for her regular visit to the chiropractor. Then, I decided to have a chat with the chiropractor about my kids and thought of seeking his view about kid's balance and athletic nature.

Previously, I wrote about Haruka being less athletic and in my observations, I try to encourage her to be more active by running with her.

She received her pre-school report card about her physical education participation. She did not get the best score for balance, hoping on 1 leg and a few other coordinated moves.

As I reflect, it could possibly be due to a phobia she still harboured or maybe she is just born with a personality that values being safe, careful and attempting all actions methodically. In attempting a flight of staircase, she would prefer to step one by one, instead of skipping a few in a daring jump. As parents, it helps to note this to make any remedial actions.

The chiropractor did a check on her spine and nerves and mentioned that there could be a slight disproportionate weight on one side of her body. According to him, this can affect the organ that is instrumental in achieving balance for the kid.

Nothing serious, but he did a few adjustments and said it should do the trick. While, I am not too hopeful, but believes that early intervention through observation of your child and encouraging them to play in the outdoors can improve many weaknesses for the best possible outcome.

(Photos show Haruka at her kindergarten, during a joint class performance and at the church Sunday School performance).

Tip 250: Running with your child

2011-11-01T21:15:00.001-07:00

Most of us assume that kids love to play and run around. Yes they do. But, these days, they may not push their physical boundaries more than they could, considering the comfortable home they live in and the many attractive toys available at home. If we do not keep an eye on their physical fitness or provide motivations to enjoy the outdoors, they may begin to develop the habit of being less athletic or even be a couch potato.

We certainly can't expect all kids to be athletic. Part of it is in their genes. Another in their personality preferences. Yet, in today's modern lifestyle, are kids spending more time at home than in the outdoors? Do they find it too hot out in the sun or too tiring when it involves a little bit of running?

I was practising for a run and thought I would invite Haruka along at an enclosed field that is safe. While I outran her as I was keeping time, I kept watching her. It turned out quite productive. She did try her best to run fast and for quite a long distance which she usually wouldn't. When she was walking while taking a rest, she would observe the flowers around the field. She ran twice around the field, covering at least 1km in 30 minutes. I am proud of my 3 years old daughter as she joined me in my run a few times. She isn't too athletic by nature, but these activities together with dad can boost her esteem and keep her active.

(Photos show the girls at the Henderson Waves bridge that connect 2 parks making it an enjoyable nature trail, at the Jewel Box Mount Faber and me at the Osim 2011 Triathlon at Singapore).

Tip 249: Learning right/wrong early

2011-10-31T19:35:00.001-07:00

It is amazing how innocent a baby is. They smile in their sleep so often. They have no worries or cares. Occasionally, they do of course cry for milk, but they have no concern whatsoever. Yet, I believe this begins to change when they begin to recognize their parents and develop an attachment towards them.

The baby's self identity begins to develop as they understand the concept of self and others, as well as the close family circle who cares for them more lovingly. Their curiosity develops and so will the ability to discern right and wrong. The first sense of right and wrong is when the baby decides what is the right or dangerous position to avoid pain or to enjoy comfort. The baby will try out different positions and learn its surroundings and understand its pain receptors. As they esteem their parents who feed them, they begin to attribute trust if their parents will further teach them how to enjoy more comfort or avoid danger.

The crucial window to teach right and wrong starts when the baby observes you and develops trust. This I believe can happen as early as 4 months old. The baby may not respond to any teaching, but they may remember. Start by teaching a body language for yes or of approval, such as by nodding your head and smile. For negative or undesirable behaviour, shake your head, frown or signal your finger or palm to demonstrate disapproval. Do this whenever you want to encourage or discourage a certain behaviour.

You can try it when the baby cries or when the baby wants to taste a certain food even if the baby seem not to understand. When you start using these body languages early, the baby will have already learnt them. When it comes to the time when the baby crawls, these body languages will be very useful to discourage the baby from going to certain areas. Or when the baby wants milk or food, they could express it to you by herself even if she does not speak yet.

I was pleasantly impressed one day when Sayaka at 6 months old, nods her head when she saw me eating a banana. By being able to express herself, her self esteem improves as she feels happy being able to communicate even without speaking or developing a vocabulary yet other than papa or mama.

She also begins to associate the word No as opposite to Yes, and would stop any undesirable behaviour slowly when I begin to express disapproval. When daddy can communicate with baby, it is the best feeling ever.

(Photos show the girls at a birthday party, scenes from the Singapore Art Museum and Sayaka's first mirror room experience there).

Tip 248: Invisible hand that protects

2011-10-30T06:24:00.000-07:00

I am thrilled to be part of 8 months old Sayaka's developments. It is the same too for Haruka. Just that it feels like a new beginning again whenever you are involved in caring for a baby.

There is always so much awe and marvel at how babies challenge their growth boundaries and explore into the next level of learning. This is especially so if you are actively there with your baby and letting go of your fear, but lovingly prompt the baby to explore their potential. Even though the hand is not there holding the baby every step and movement, the hand is always ready. There is also a strong element of faith that the baby will be fine and even do better if daddy lets her explore, while keeping an eye on her. This is exactly how our Father in Heaven watches over us. God has immense love for each of us and never leaves us alone. Yet, many times, we are allowed to test the boundaries when we have developed the necessary resilience to survive hardships and temptations. By not restricting our freedom, we learn on our own our mistakes and understand love and grow stronger.

Same goes for Sayaka. I may be an extremely bold daddy. I would let her sit up on her own even if there is a risk of her falling.

I have watched over her before and knew of her steady ability to balance herself and not fall. I know that even if she falls, it is within a height that is safe for her to incur just some minor pain.

When I am at a public place, others would look with disbelief or worry if the small baby would hurt herself if she falls. Yet, I let her on her own.

It is amazing that by doing so, she is learning so much more quicker. Her bone structure strengthens faster and she develops a firmer posture.

If I had over protected her, she may not have such an opportunity to develop her posture and strength. I wonder if she feels my invisible hand such that I feel His.

(Photos show the girls at the Singapore Botanical Garden and the Singapore Art Museum).

Tip 247: Playing in multiracial playground

2011-05-28T20:24:00.000-07:00

I blogged about how this world is intrinsically global. It was created to be a global world, then through disobedience and pride of man, God allowed discord through the desire to create different languages during the era of the Tower of Babel. Yet, through education and experiences of cooperation between cultures and nations, we are moving towards overcoming hurdles that set us apart. Similarly, daddies ought to encourage their children to develop a sense of acceptance of other races even at a young age.

It can be amusing to watch on TV or listen to the conversations of foreigners who speak different languages. Yet, it is a different reality altogether to live and play together with a foreign person of a different skin color who speaks a foreign language. The more exposure, the more understanding of the differences between each other. Then, the child learns to accept or reconcile any wrong perceptions held earlier.

I blogged previously about being careful with our body language when we meet a person of a different race. We just need to frown or be startled and our little children will sense that vibe in us. Before long, they would also internalize the same body language and inhibitions when meeting people of different color and languages. We often do not blame ourselves for this subtle habits, but it actually sow seeds of discord.

I was at a new playground and Haruka was eager to check out the new slides. An Indian mother was close to me and felt uneasy if a young father like me might feel uneasy with her presence. I smiled and invited her to sit next to me in case she wanted to. Later, as her Indian children played, Haruka smiled at them and watched from a distance. Then, she approached nearer and began to play ball with the Indian children. These were strangers from another housing neighbourhood, yet Haruka has possibly gotten the silent encouragement from daddy to be friendly and enjoy the moment.

(Photos show Sayaka at 5 months old and 2 weeks old when my mum visited).

Tip 246: How much attention is enough?

2011-05-22T17:07:00.001-07:00

The older generation used to say that giving too much attention to a baby spoils the child. The older generation had less time for their children as they had more children in the family and more manual tasks to do each day to be constantly bothered about giving attention to their children. Yet, children's development in this generation have accelerated and their intelligence increasing due to enhanced motivation and availability of learning aids at a young age. Should we then make a conscious effort to start our babies earlier than usual in their learning? More importantly, should we be giving attention even when the child is yet to learn?

I was spending some time with 4 month old Sayaka by smiling and making funny faces at her. She would smile or giggle whenever she sees me. Due to the constant attention she enjoys receiving, she is alert and constantly scans around to look for company. She is able to turn her head around with her strong neck (due to my rough handling of her in her young age, but she does has a strong bone structure as well). Plus, she now rolls over on her chest and kicks the surface to maneuver around in different directions. I thought of trying out the song and tickle routine of round and round the garden. To my amazement, she giggled when I tickled her. She also anticipated the tickling after I tried the routine a few times. I checked my previous blog entry and realized I only started doing this to Haruka at 6 months old, while the children's guidebook recommends introducing this after age 1 year old. Sayaka does make noise and cry when she does not sense anyone around her. Sometimes, I leave her alone and after a while, she sleeps while sucking her thumb. A baby does crave for attention when it is given to her. Yet she needs to learn how to amuse herself or be contented with looking around her surroundings. I believe there is a time for everything and we need to expose the child to different situations. Constant attention may need to be reduced when the child is beginning to be too demanding. Like the Central Bank who needs to constantly adjust interest rates based on the economic situation of the country, a daddy needs to adjust between excessive attention and just the right amount of motivation to stir curiosity in the child. If the Central Bank increases the interest rates by too large a quantum or too frequently than necessary, the market overheats. Hence daddy needs to be constantly present to assess the situation to ensure a well balanced and sustainable child. Intelligence and talent isn't everything.

(Photos show Sayaka at 4 months old).

Tip 245: Reading aids for 3 year olds

2011-05-14T03:48:00.000-07:00

I was sitting at home with 3 years old Haruka watching kid's TV programme. Singapore does have a good kids channel called Okto with many imported and local kid's programme. Then, I began to watch Haruka got excited with the interesting programme. She repeated the ABCs when prompted by the cartoon to do so. The cartoon character was spelling words and I was impressed that Haruka could now utter the alphabets and then pronounce the words. That's the power of media in assisting kids to learn at a younger age. The cartoon has youthful voice, is full of zest and is so entertaining to learn with. The pause to prompt for the child's response is well timed making it almost a two-way communication. Definitely beats learning from a dull parent or teacher.

I previously blogged about the benefits of watching TV (particularly Barney programmes). I am again convinced that programmes that are well done and resonate well with the kids can assist in learning and in developing the kid's intelligence.

Hence, parents need to select good TV programmes for the kids as well as ensure the kids have time for other activities. These programmes can illustrate learning concepts easily. Now, Haruka understands that each letter has a sound and together the letters construct a word. I can now teach her reading and practice with her since she understands well how to do it after watching that programme.

Some may argue that it raises the expectation of the child to yearn for high quality teaching aids and the child may be disinterested when being taught by common people. I believe it is not easy to learn new concepts for the first time. Once the child builds a strong foundation, the child gains confidence and has more interest to learn from even dull lecturers. But, if a teacher does not communicate the lessons well and the child constantly lags behind, it can affect the desire to learn. When the child has mastered learning, the parents can encourage the child to build other critical skills such as keeping a long attention span and persistence on monotonous tasks. Yet, future societies for the next generation may see more animated tasks at work and leisure places and parents may not need to worry too much.

There are so many reading and learning aids these days from TV programmes to computer and phone touch screen applications and games. I still believe there is a need for the traditional method of reading from a book and parents may want to encourage interest in both. It is no different than having a variety of food dish menu each day. You do not cook your child's favourite dish every single day, else the child may not learn to like other dishes and food variety. Parents ought to also prevent kids from being addicted to these highly entertaining learning aids.

(Photos show the Art Science Museum in a building representing 10 fingers, the Welcoming Hand of Singapore. I attended an art exhibition of Salvador Dali and is impressed that this structure does inspire creativity. Hurry this exhibition ends on 30 October 2011).

Tip 244: Seed of love bears fruit

2011-04-23T10:08:00.000-07:00

I blogged previously about the slo w growth of the bamboo shoot. Often times, we are impatient when it comes to gardening. We expect the plant to appear after just a few days of burying the seed/stalk. Yet, it may take as long as 5 years to see a sprout appearing from the ground.

Same goes for loving others including our family members. The easiest example is my eldest daughter. Initially, it seems she was more attached to mummy. I was wondering why she would not want to hold my hand when we are going out together as a family. Haruka would prefer to hold mummy's hand. It can feel sad when your loving efforts do not receive reciprocal response. But love is patient and is long suffering. Surely, our Father in Heaven also yearns deeply for us to communicate with God regularly considering the many blessings we receive each day.

I continued to put my best efforts in spending quality time with Haruka. I read more often with her. I coached her in her colou ring and writing. I played with her whenever I have time. I have even started running with her on a track field with her trailing behind me. Then, she began to respond in love. She would approach me and hold my hand. She would tell me that she loves daddy. She does spend more time with Tomomi and still has stronger attachment. Though, I am not far from building a deep relationship with Haruka. The recipe is constantly sowing seeds of love and waiting patiently and lovingly for the fruits to bear.

(Photos show Sayaka in her 100 day studio photo, a Japanese tradition I followed for Haruka as well. Also photos of East Coast park beach, Singapore).

Tip 243: Faith, Courage, Enthusiasm

2011-04-17T17:59:00.000-07:00

"I will win! Because I have Faith, Courage and Enthusiasm!" That's the theme of the movie The Company Men starring Tommy Lee Jones and Ben Affleck, amidst corporate downsizing. The movie captures well the emotions of people affected by the volatile job market. It also explains why this volatility is happening - the need to grow the company rapidly to answer to shareholder's expectation of profits, the desire to own large buildings for reputation's sack and thereby render risk to change course should the business be not as buoyant.

It is sad that company drones work hard for the queen or kings of the corporation, yet risk losing their livelihood as there is lack of sense of loyalty to either parties. Is there then the need to not marry oneself to one's job? Is there a need to educate corporate owners to grow the company organically, instead of by leaps and bounds with disregard to the risk of downsizing? Has corporations in the wake of capitalism forget their core value and function which is to create goods and services for the community, by working with a good team of people that the corporation has chosen to nurture to build their potential for success? Or are companies in the business to create unnecessary ups and downs for the community and families.

Sadly, this is the reality of today's imperfect economic system. In the movie, GTX, a transport company begins to evaluate cutting all its unprofitable divisions, even its core business divisions when it started operations. The CEO salaried at $22 million even laid off his long time employee who together founded the business with him since they have differing views on downsizing. It's a cold message that friendship in the workplace nowadays mean nothing if it impedes profit.

Yet, in the final analysis, there is always a rainbow that awaits the patient. Rough times will come and go. Evil will always be judged. Help is always near to those who wait upon Him in faith, courage and enthusiasm. There is always something to learn from trials.

What matters more is not the forecast of profits or the attainment of success, but whether we have faith in goodness. Success will always come if we build our faith upon the right foundation. How awesome if we can have faith in the potential of people by motivating them to enjoy building a future together as a team. If it does not come, we still gain in learning to be content with the simple things in life such as the smiles of my lovely daughters. Or in the film, the valuable time in playing basketball with a lonely teenager son that yearns for his dad's company and mentoring. Everything happens for a reason and we can wait patiently for the revealing of God's Good Will.

In rough times, courage is the thin string that holds things together. Courage against giants, against ruthless and cold evil, against those who sneer and have lack of faith. Enthusiasm is the light humour that brings us through discouragement. There must be a new day with new blessings. Even if the tap runs dry of water, there is always a wealth of lessons to be learn each day. Light up our eyes so we can eagerly spot opportunities to grow, to love and to win.

I too have my fair share of ups and downs in all my workplaces. Yet, I echo the actor's call that there is nothing to lose if we chant "faith, courage, enthusiasm". We can only lose our job, but we will never lose our spirit. There is always good to those who seek after goodness, despite our failings and weaknesses.

(Photos show Haruka with my mother in law during our search for a kindergarten where they had mochi making and eating, and family and relatives enjoying Indian lunch buffet at Riverwalk Tandoor, Singapore for SGD13 per person).

Tip 242: Write by handholding

2011-04-13T01:25:00.000-07:00

When teaching a child, we debate whether we want to allow the child to discover their own style and preferences, or we should guide them each step of the way. Sometimes, the child learns to be obstinate to refuse learning, or begins to express the desire to be independent. If the child does not learn, is it due to the teaching method of the parent and more effort is needed in encouragement and guiding patiently? Or should we let time decide if the child will learn by his or herself?

Haruka has been taking an interest in colouring for the past few months. She would show me the colouring she did in Sunday School. It is just plain scribbling all over the place. Then, one day, I decided to explain to her how to colour neatly within the boundaries of the picture. Initially, she would not understand the need to do it. Then, I said the magic word. I said if she coloured beautifully, her teacher would praise her and gave her incentives.

She began to put more effort to think about her colouring and how to improve. I spent one afternoon colouring with her. I coloured a picture beautifully, and she saw the difference between my work and hers. I coloured the whole page and slowly coloured different objects with the right colours. After a while, she did the same and begin to decide which colour would suit a particular picture. From my guiding initially, Haruka began to make her own decisions and would then insist her colour sense is right. My job is quite finished.

Now and then, when I see her colouring, I still point to her how she can improve. I would show areas where her colouring is not as neat and even. She understands now the concept of colouring and would agree with me. It may take a while before Haruka improves. It may be necessary for me to supervise her more and practice together with her if I want it to be a work of art. But, at least now, she has an idea of how a beautiful colouring can be.

She comes back from kindergarten with a page of homework on weekends. This requires tracing the dots of alphabets. Most children aged 3 years old would still not have a steady hand at writing. Her grip on the pencil would either be too soft or she would not understand the instructions of the homework and follow the correct strokes. Once, she even coloured the page instead of writing the alphabets. I doubt teachers these days would sit down with the child and slowly guide them. The most they would do is to spend 5-10 minutes to provide instructions on how to do it.

Hence, the need for daddy to spend time with Haruka to explain the strokes and hold her hand. I realized that it may take more than one afternoon to ensure she writes the alphabets correctly. But, so far, I have guided her with a few pages of her homework. Singapore education must be very intense and a daddy from church shared that he spends a lot of evenings with her children who are in primary school. I hope I can do my part in the future, but for now, I will just hold her hand while my daughters let me.

(Photos show an afternoon at the Istana in Singapore with my mother in law, on a public holiday where it is opened to the public - though not for golfing).

Tip 241: Create new language opportunities

2011-04-05T20:59:00.000-07:00

While watching TV with the family, a thought randomly came to Haruka and as usual, she spoke to both me and Tomomi in Japanese. She proudly announced that she now can speak in Japanese, English, Chinese and Korean language. We were curious about how she acquired Korean language. She quickly provided evidence by saying, "Kamsa Hamnida!"

I spoke to Haruka in English, "What is that?" Haruka said, "Arigato!" I asked Haruka, "What is good morning in Kankoku-go?" She replied, "Anyeong Haseyo!" She remembered these phrases many months back when I repeated these phrases to her when we were watching a Korean soap opera program on TV together.

Also whenever we saw a friendly Korean stranger or have an opportunity to speak to a Korean at church, I would encourage Haruka to greet them in the foreign language and depending on her mood, she would comply. In March this year, Haruka just started kindergarten run by a church . We were late in enrolling her as we were initially undecided if we should send her to a Japanese kindergarten. I convinced Tomomi that Haruka would maintain her proficiency in the Japanese language even though she attends a local kindergarten. Initially, Haruka was possibly worried that she will be uncomfortable in an English environment. She told us that she wanted to go to the Japanese kindergarten.

Yet, a few days ago, mummy saw her holding the hand of an Indian girl from her class. Previously, if there was an Indian stranger in a lift, she would turn away and not look at the person. I am so glad that there is so much progress in the way Haruka now embraces diversity.

Every morning, the students greet the teacher, "Zhao An, Lao Se! (Good morning Teacher!). Even though Chinese lessons has not started in Haruka's class, it is easy to learn greetings when all students from different classes greet the teacher together. Possibly this stroked the pride in Haruka that she now masters so many languages.

At 1-2 years old when Haruka was staying 6 months in London during winter/spring, she was watching a lot of English Barney programs. Her English seems to be much more fluent than now and she would speak with everyone else in English and speak with mummy in Japanese. However, just 9 months ago, she started to only speak in Japanese even when she understands the English that I speak to her. If someone speaks to her in English, she will either keep mum or just nod in response to the question. However, Haruka's confidence in other language may take a turn for the better soon. Ego is good. I hope she strives to master various languages if she enjoys doing that.

(Photos show scenes from Marina Bay Sands)

Tip 240: Post 1week birth be watchful

2011-04-03T19:01:00.001-07:00

It is truly a miracle to be able to hold a new born baby and watch this new life explore the world. The fragile baby gets stronger bit by bit each day and feels better adapted to the new environment. The baby copes better as she feels the warm embrace of mummy and begin to smile at the goodness of love. Upon birth, the baby can weigh so light and its limbs and fingers so tiny. As previously blogged, I encouraged daddies to hold and carry their baby even if they fe el less able than mum my. We, daddies are capable of many things beyond our imagination. Spending that extra time to carry and watch the baby does help mummy as well as give baby the much needed affection needed. Plus, the first week of birth may be the most crucial week of a baby's life as the baby is still learning the ropes of this new earth. The baby has just started learning how to lie on a bed outside the pool of liquid in mummy's womb. The baby is also having her first taste of saliva and fresh air. The baby just started moving her body, neck and back to allow her to inhale and exhale, as well as to adjust to a comfortable position. The baby had her first pain at the hospital during inoculation/ vaccination and has just understood that there is a level of pain and comfort to be experienced. The baby is starting to explore the cool/warm bed and adjust herself to a position that she can sleep well and breath well. The baby also learns quickly on when to cry whenever she wants milk. Yet, in all this new beginnings for the baby, it is but trial and error. There are probabilities of error beyond the baby's knowledge and sometimes even out of the awareness of daddy and mummy. Hence, the need for extra vigilance and attention during the first week of birth.

I was observing Sayaka while she was lying on the bed on her back when she was around 4 days old, while mummy got out of bed for a while. Sayaka does have regular cravings for milk, so the increased saliva in her mouth. She was also quite active as possibly my constant attention and speaking with her spurs her to be curious of her surroundings. She was beginning to move quite a bit, kicking her legs and moving her neck. Then, as I speak to her, she suddenly got startled. She began to choke on her saliva and her face was turning red. I could see that her whole body was tensed up. She was trying hard to breath, but was unable. She was trying to cry, but was overwhelmed by the choking. Immediately, I carried her and pat her on her back a few times. I was so relieved when I heard her coughing and crying. The patting was akin to light Heimlich Maneuver that I have learnt from my first aid lessons during my school days. She possibly could have overcame it by herself through trial and error and learning to cough harder. I am sure this trial has made her stronger and I am glad that now at 3 months old, she has a very healthy and strong body through her active exploration of her limits. All in all, I am glad that I was around Sayaka during her first choking experience.

In Japan, babies usually stay in the hospital for 1 week after birth as it is paid for by the insurance. In Singapore/Malaysia, many would discharge from the hospital upon 2 days if there is normal and safe delivery. However, keeping constant eye on the baby may be necessary at least for the first week. In fact, attachment parenting principles will suggest sleeping next to your baby instead of in a separate bed.

(Photos show Sayaka at 3 days old, 1 month and 2.5 months old)

Tip 239: Say Yes promptly then followup

2011-01-12T23:59:00.000-08:00

As I look back, the success I attain today stems from the many "Yes" that I said promptly whenever opportunity arises. The Yes sometimes occurs even before the opportunity emerges as I seek out opportunities through building relationships and letting others know that I am willing to help.

Most of the time, I never expect or imagine the possibilities that could be the result of an eager spirit to engage myself in activities. Often times, there are no motive behind my intention to spend the weekend going to school or to organizations to clean the place, to lift a chair and arrange for events, or for walking out a professor to her car and engage in a chat. Yet, when I said yes and follow it up with emails, there is no knowing that the other party will find a win win transaction to happen between us.

I remember vividly that the first few Yes were during my primary school days participating in story telling contests. Wasn't as active in extra curricular activities after school then, as I would not stay back too often after school as the school was a distance away. Yet, upon secondary school, I begin to join various clubs and was actively participating in all weekly meetings. It could be the spare time not having too much planned family activities during the weekends, that made me available for school activities. I begin to be elected for various positions in clubs, from being a mere representative of my class to being the treasurer and the president of various clubs. When a class teacher would want a participant in one of the competitions she organized, I would also not say No when asked and was singing in front of the school and making public announcements or speeches.

Fast forwarding into varsity life, I kept in touch with my professors and did not hesitate to accept an invitation to work on rewriting my varsity project into a published research paper. I would find it fulfilling to keep myself busy while I was still single and accepted part time teaching offers at my varsity on top of my usual day job. I constantly got testimonials of each activity I participated in and used these as supporting references for various applications. This made me a savvy applicant since I have a repository of resources at my disposal.

It takes lots of initiative to write to everyone whose business card you receive, maintain a record of email and home addresses of people you know and send greeting card s regularly to different people each year. It may seem like a waste of time, yet among the many deeds some will be remembered and some reciprocated with rewarding opportunities.

(Haruka and family at the church family camp in Sebana Golf and Marine Resort, Kota Tinggi, Johor, Malaysia).

Tip 238: Quality vs quantity time

2011-01-09T19:39:00.001-08:00

Parenting is not easy in this postmodern educated world. A parent is judged more severely by their kids. It is amazing that kids grow up much faster these days and even at age 2-3, kids would put value on what type of attributes that they like in a parent.

How much time you spent with your kid matters less than what activities you engage with them and whether you make them happy. This is especially difficult for dads who will be spending less time with the kids compared to mum. For my case, since Tomomi is a stay at home mum, there is a stark difference in time loss in relationship building between daddy and kids. The less time spent means kids has less need for dad than mum.

At a young age, kids watch TV and have an ideal vision of how happy families ought to be. Sometimes, they do not see the big picture of other essential parenting attributes such as need for discipline, tolerance and forgiveness. Kids these days due to better education at a young age, is capable of listening to conversations between parents yet they may not have the maturity to understand underlying conflicts well. All this puts bias on how they view a certain parent and the value they place in spending time with the parent. Hence, it puts pressure on daddy to work harder to be more careful with my words and prepare intelligent and fun activities with my daughters.

Sometimes, when you are back from work, you just want to relax on the couch and watch TV or read newspapers. Yes, you would also like to chase your kids and hug them. But, growing kids would yearn for more mind stimulating activities which require a little bit more effort, concentration and dedication. After a while they detest hugs and tickles. Yet, if you put a little effort with the activities, they may still be glad to come back to you.

Kids watch advanced and highly educated TV programs nowadays. Science experiments, craft work and games. All this requires preparation time. Other possible activities include colouring and painting with the kid, putting effort to do creative story telling, playing a board game together or taking the kid outdoors for cycling.

It is possible that Haruka at age 3 years yearns more for such activities as she has not gone to kindergarten yet. But, what happens later when she comes back tired from school and does not yearn for daddy attention. Maybe I am just being sensitive and dependant on my kid’s affection. Should I just go back to my newspapers and give the kids the space they need? It is not easy to be a daddy as the role is not as clear cut and you never know the right amount of dedication that is needed. When that’s resolved, quality time keeps taking on new meaning in today’s modern world.

(Photos show Haruka and family in Johor for our Japanese church retreat in 2010).

Tip 237: Prenatal exercise/posture for natural birth

2011-01-04T18:05:00.000-08:00

These days, most babies are not in the head down and most optimal position in the womb to deliver through natural birth. That is why there is increasing occurrence of cesarean, usage of forceps, vacuum and high intervention of the doctor during labour. The World Health Organization has stated that a cesarean rate over 15% is harmful as it increases maternal death rate and infant morbidity. The USA rate is 33% and is rising and is much higher in some states. Yet, this can be avoided through better prenatal posture and exercises.

Our modern lifestyle today is to blame for the less than optimal position of the baby. If we move back in history, women were in different postures during their daily chores, often times leaning forward washing the dishes in the sink or sowing seeds in the farms, on their hands and knees while cleaning the floor or gardening, or at least sitting upright in straight backed hard wooden chairs. These days, most postures and lifestyle encourage leaning back on a comfortable computer chair or couch.

Hence, the mother need to be extra conscious of the need for good posture and put efforts in prenatal exercises. By sitting straight up or leaning forward, gravity will naturally pull the fetal's head and spine down and forward into the anterior position in the womb. Postures to avoid include sitting back on a couch, recliner or soft chair, sleeping on the back or crossing the legs. It is preferable to sleep on the side (preferably the left side) with a pillow beneath the knees. When sitting, it is best to ensure the knees are always lower than the hip bones. A pillow can thus be placed on the seat. Besides posture, there are 2 exercises as shown on the left. The one on top is called knee chest position to be done 3 times a day for 15 minutes. It gently brings down the fetus out of the pelvis, so it can rotate into a more favorable position. The bottom exercise is called pelvic rock, which can be done after the knee chest position. It is an excellent exercise to relieve back pressure and keep the fetus in the optimal position.

Previously, I also blogged about visiting a chiropractor who is trained in the Webster technique. Besides moving the fetal into a head down position, it also alleviates pelvic and uterine restriction, so the fetal can move to the optimal position on its own. Another blogpost speaks about a Japanese midwife tip to always keep mummy's leg warm.

Getting all this right is key to a smooth and fast labour, besides one that is natural, without intervention by the doctor and no necessary need for knives and other equipment that may harm the baby and the mother.

Being in the delivery room, I am in awe at how a 3164 gram baby with a head circumference of 32cm and a height of 48cm can come out of the womb in 1 hour without any tear on the vagina or the need for the doctor to incise to enlarge the passage. Neither was epidural taken, so Sayaka is fully alert through this natural birth.

(Photos show Sayaka and sister, Haruka at the hospital with friends who have visited us. Video at the bottom shows 10 minute old Sayaka waving peace for 2011).

Tip 236: Avoid unnecessary labour induction

2011-01-02T16:31:00.000-08:00

My experience of labour with my first child was in Japan at a midwife's center with s trong emphasis on natural birth. My second child was delivered in Singapore at end of 2010 and only then, I realized the common habit of doctors in hospitals to induce labour. Fortunately, we had already advised our doctor in advanced of our preference for natural birth and paid the necessary ward class to have our preferred doctor facilitate the delivery, instead of other doctors who have not had communication with us earlier.

It seems like a simple procedure to induce birth. The doctor puts a sterile, plastic thin hook into the vagina, brush against the membranes just inside the cervix to cause artifici al rupture and cause the water bag to break. When this happens, contraction can happen at a faster rate especially if it has already started. Often times, the woman at labour does not know what happens as she may not be able to feel the quick 2 seconds procedure and will not be able to see it. The doctor may not even explain the procedure to the parents in advanced, and treat it as part of the labour process. But, is this natural birth and is this necessary if there is no compelling reasons for it?

There are various legitimate reasons why a doctor need to induce labour. Among others, being prolonged pregnancy beyond 42nd weeks, baby being too big for safe labour or the woman has health risks. However, reasons such as doctors wanting to avoid delivering at night or during holiday season should not be excuses to invite mothers to admit to the hospital early for delivery.

Most doctors would act professionally to ask the mother to be admitted to hospital only when there is head engagement where the fetal head has descended into the pelvic cavity so that only a small part can be felt abdominally and most of it felt vaginally. It is known as the baby drop or lightening as there is renewed ease of breathing and release of pressure on the upper abdomen, but higher pressure on the rectum and pelvic floor. The mother can believe the doctor's words when she has increased sensation that the baby will fall out any moment.

Yet, how clear is the definition of head engagement? Would the doctor define it as fully engaged outside the abdomen or just about to engage into the vagina? The doctor may persuade the parents that once the water bag is broken, there may be little time to manage the labour process and advise admission to the delivery room much earlier. Yet, once admission to the delivery room, the parents have little choice to when they want the baby to be delivered as there will be charges associated to time spent in the delivery room.

These days, the hospital will usually provide a slightly earlier estimated due date (EDD) of 40th week gestation instead of the maximum of 42 weeks. There is possibility that this is to manage parent's expectation better in case the babies need to be delivered earlier to better manage hospital space and doctor's availability.

Yet, are we allowing nature to best take its place? Would a child achieve best optimum conditions if allowed to be delivered only when the water bag breaks and in God's perfect timing? Or should we listen to the doctor to please his/our convenience to deliver the baby as soon as slight conditions allow for the delivery? Would a longer gestation period support longevity and better health conditions for the baby? There are some who believe that aiming for natural birth with the longest possible gestation period (if health conditions permit) allows for better health to the baby and that he or she may have a longer life to live. I believe these are among the admirable, pure and excellent things that we should think about and aim to accomplish. Mummy decides this as she will be bearing the pain, yet sometimes mummy looks to daddy to judge on whether to accept what the doctor say as truth or not. Daddy being in the delivery room and in the whole delivery process and doctor visits helps better decision making.

(Photos show 10 minute old Sayaka born in 2010 in Singapore).

Tip 235: Chiropractic can create life

2010-12-23T17:01:00.000-08:00

Chiropractic, known for its spinal manipulative theraphy would usually stand for sustaining life, but in our case, it did contribute towards creation of life. I have never been a believer of spending money when there is no need for it. Yet, we were trying for our second child for more than 4 months. Tomomi suggested chiropractic may help since there could be an amazing amount of change to her body since her last pregnancy. There is certainly no harm to adjust any misalignments, so we tried for just 2 separate treatments by 2 different chiropractor. After a month, the conception of our second child was successful.

Chiropractic in recent days have gained recognition as an alternative medicine and even are approved by insurers for claims by its insured. There are more chiropractic regulatory boards set up in advanced countries such as USA, Canada and Australia and more patients who believe in its preventive treatment powers.

We are still early believers. I just spent SGD100 for one treatment and had another free trial treatment. Could it be coincidence or proof that just after 2 treatments on my wife, the educated hand technique can make right any misalignment that is causing interference to the nervous system. The idea behind it, is that the flow of our nervous system can be constricted by bones that are out of alighnment which can put pressure on the nerves that go to every organ and system in our body. Most of us have terrible posture, or slouching on a couch can aggravate our spine. This bad positioning pinches nerves, squeezes our internal organs, and creates tension. Adding to that are injuries, like falls or sporting injuries. Our reproductive organs among others, may be in a less than optimal position to function smoothly. With chiropractic care, the misaligned pelvis may be addressed or can even be prevented, making it possible for the woman to achieve a healthy conception. Receiving chiropractic care prior to conception promotes a more regular menstrual cycle (improving the chance of conception) and optimal uterine function. A Doctor of Chiropractic aligns the vertebrae and pelvis through gentle adjustments to the spine without any drug interventions, relieving the pressure on the nerves and allowing one hundred percent of the nerve energy to reach the tissues it serves.

This doesn't mean that women who are not in perfect alignment cannot get pregnant! They do every day, but if you're having problems with conception, consulting a chiropractor may help you. Many of us carry our tension in our shoulders, for example and this translates throughout our bodies. Stress, in general, is not helpful for conception because, as stress leads to increased release of cortisol. A study was published in the Journal of Vertebral Subluxation Research by Dr. Madeline Behrendt that examined 15 women who were attempting to become pregnant. Fourteen of the women became pregnant spontaneously following the start of chiropractic adjustments.

There is a chiropractic technique called the "Webster technique" that specifically addresses the position of the baby in the pelvis and optimizing that position for a successful vaginal delivery. Chiropractors do not adjust the baby, per se, but rather by adjusting the mother's alignment and working on relaxing the pelvis, babies can move into the correct position on their own. With the high caesarean rate in the United States, helping women and their babies to be ideally positioned for delivery is important. Equally important is post natal chiropractic care that helps the mother to relieve the stresses put on the body by the rapid growth of the baby. As her belly gets bigger, the woman's center of gravity changes. The growth is so quick that it is often difficult for the low back and pelvis to adjust to this change. As her baby grows, her musculoskeletal system must adjust accordingly to accommodate the growing uterus and prepare for delivery. Many pregnant women experience low back pain, hip pain, and pubic symphysis. I hope this short blogpost gives you a glimpse of the possibilities of chiropractice.

(Photos show Haruka playing lantern with her neighbour during the Mid-Autumn festival and with her church friends in water play at the Science Centre Singapore).

Tip 234: Never pay credit card fees

2010-12-21T22:44:00.001-08:00

The credit card market in countries like Hong Kong, Malaysia and Singapore is getting competitive. New foreign banks entering the market is putting intense pressure to incumbent established banks to participate in various incentive giving, contests and constantly motivating their customers to spend.

I had always requested for my credit card annual fees or late fees to be waived and been successful. I have realized there is no exception. No matter what reasons the officers give when they persuade me to pay the charges, they would willingly waive it when they know that I would not accept the fees whatsoever. If I have a good track record of spending, the credit company would relent to absorb any fees if I say I would cancel the cards.

For my Malaysian credit cards, upon knowing that the government is imposing an annual service tax of RM50 in 2010, I cancelled most of my cards and only maintained my Citibank credit card. I told the bank that I would cancel it if they would not absorb the fee. Initially, they would give excuses that the fee is charged by the government and they could not absorb it. When they knew they would lose a customer, RM50 seems like a reasonable amount to pay to keep the customer. So I continued using the card since there is no fee involved, but only rewards gained from using it.

In Singapore, the government does not impose any fees and I have more than a dozen cards with various shopping outlets. AMEX Krisflyer told me that they would be able to waive my annual fees, but not the SGD60 administration fee for converting my points to air mileage every month. The eloquent officer explained that the fees are imposed by the airline company and that this card was the only card that allows me to earn mileage instantly upon spending and that the fees are justified. I spoke with her for 20 minutes but did not want to accept her reasoning and maintained that I would cancel the card considering it is more expensive to maintain this card compared to my other cards. The officer did not want to agree to offer me the waiver either. I told her it has taken too much time and I had to hang up the phone. Later, I checked my statement and the fee was waived. I am probably the only customer in Singapore who did not pay my administration fee and still get to use its benefits.

It may seem unreasonable to ask for so much. Yet, by knowing that you have the bargaining power, then it is pointless to be paying fees when you can avoid it. The opposite can be true in Japan. Rules and law cannot be bend for the customer. When I was beginning to complain about my annual fees, the bank was quick to cancel my card when I was late to pay even once. This would not have happened in any of the other countries above.

(Photos show Haruka acting as a sheep for the nativity play. She was so bold that she was playing with the baby doll in front of everyone on stage).

Tip 233: Learn new languages, be global

2010-12-18T19:58:00.000-08:00

The call to be global is starting to be stronger. Companies need to expand profits to different markets and not depend on their existing strong markets due to increased risk of volatility in markets. Even countries with strong cultural and language traditions are going to change. Can they? Yes! Hiroshi Mikitani, CEO of Rakuten Japan is one of them. The mandate is clear. Employees not proficient in English in 2 years will be fired.

This trend will certainly be followed by other courageous and ambitious CEOs, as well as forward looking world leaders. First, the need to master English, then Chinese, then a third language if not more. Rakuten CEO's reason is simple. In 10 years, the market will be very different and we need to be prepared.

The CEO walks the talk. In a press conference to Japanese reporters, instead of using Japanese, he used English even when its unnecessary. It takes a leader to courageously own up to his shortcomings and be ridiculed for falling short of perfection, so that those under his care will be willing to follow. Same goes for daddies. Are we walking the talk?

I am starting to see the need to learn as many languages as possible. One does not require to be proficient in all languages, but to be brave to utter the first few words confidently and clearly. Only fear need to be conquered. Imperfect pronounciation and poor vocabulary can be corrected through practice and love of the culture and language.

Parents often discuss about whether to send their children to study in a schools that use another language as its medium of instruction. For instance, for Malaysian parents, should they send their children to a Chinese school when the parents themselves are not proficient in the language.

By walking the talk, parents need to make efforts to learn languages together with their children. It can be fun when we show interest in a new language and tackle the difficulties together. It does not matter if our kids are much smarter than us in learning the new language. It is fine if they could master the vocabulary faster. What matters is that we maintain the global outlook like Hiroshi Mikitani and hopefully set tough goals for ourselves to improve. It is fine to falter and look silly in our newly acquired accent, but we should try and work hard at improving ourselves as global citizens of this world.

(Photos show Haruka at her first Christmas stage show singing a few Christmas carols in Japanese and English at the International Japanese Church of Singapore IJCS. The day before she sang at Orchard Road, Singapore in front of the Mandarin Gallery for 30 minutes from 7pm).

Tip 232: Time patience when feeding

2010-11-15T21:50:00.000-08:00

It used to be much easier to motivate Haruka when she was just 1 year o ld. No need for arguing, or shouting, or various schemes and persuasions. Yet, this is part of growing up and spending time with our kids. Mummy is tired after cooking and she has a limit of patience and time in feeding Haruka. After feeding her for a while, mummy decides that Haruka may have had enough as Haruka said she does not want to eat anymore. Usually, Haruka would then play or get ready for bed and not have any more food when she tells her mum she is full. This time, I thought I would take over and do a bit of motivating and coaxing her to eat. To my joy, Haruka finished the whole bowl of dinner including the vegetables and meat which she seldom eat. She probably has never finished eating a whole bowl. So what does it take to feed a child who is close to 3 years old to completion? Time and lots of patience. There is no other way. Besides the quality time spent, there is quantity time that needs to be spent which is so important to monitor the growth of your child. A little more time can do wonders to your kid.

Parents of previous generations would resort to threats or leaving their kids hungry for the night if the kids do not attempt to finish their meals. Kids need a little push at every task including finishing their meals. If the parents have a little time to spare, providing incentives, some stories and explanations to the importance of each food item could propel the child to eat more or dispel any fears towards certain food items in the meals. It helps if the meal is colourful, well decorated and tasty, but if it is not, then it requires more skill on the feeder. Haruka does not like food with textures that are too hard or if the vegetables are not cut into small pieces. So when daddy spends time cutting them or hiding them in between other yummy food that Haruka likes, then she would not notice the mixture of food items. Mummy could have made more efforts to blend certain food items using a blender, but that even would not guarantee that the child would reject the whole meal if the quantity of certain items are too obvious. Hence, the role of the feeder cannot be understated. I would give different persuasions at each small spoonful of food. Sometimes, I preach about the importance of vegetables that can make Haruka looking pretty and strong. She would take one bite. Then, the next round, I will tell her the importance of getting energy for meeting her friends at play. If I run out of sermons, then I will hold a sweet in my hand. Haruka would usually not eat those candy, but keep it in her storage or her bag. (She has learnt this habit from her dad to save for the future or later for admiration of her collection). I would delay giving the incentive as long as I can and try to feed her as many times till she loses interest. Then, I patiently motivate her till the bowl is empty. It is certainly hard work. It may even be deemed as spoiling your kid by giving too much attention. Will they no longer eat if these tactics and incentives are not used in the future? What if daddy or mummy has no time to spare? I was complaining this trait of my mum when I was seeing my mum feeding the kid she was babysitting. I felt my mum need not spoil those children and treat them like prince and princess. Now I understand. I do it myself. I have faith that one day Haruka will develop the joy of eating after she starts finishing her bowls of food. Parenting and love takes tme.

It takes time to inculcate ne w habits like how the parent polar bear would teach its baby to swim and catch its own fish. Hopefully, after a while, the child will catch these lessons. We can only love and have faith in its power. The time spent will not be wasted. It stands for something, if not just for the name of love. Even if the bowl of food ends up still full and not attempted, despite all the effort in coaxing and persuading.

Yet, still persuade, tell stories, preach and amuse to feed the child. Keep it up. Do not give up. Love no matter what.

(Photos show Haruka at the photo studio posing at the camera. The camera man complimented that she posed very naturally and required the least time for good photo shoots. When she sat down, her eyes was shut instantly. It was a long day and more photos can be seen in the previous blog.).

Tip 231: Keep mother's legs warm

2010-11-14T18:59:00.000-08:00

I got this tip from a Japanese mid-wife when we were in Tokyo prior to Haruka's birth 3 years ago. Tomomi had always wanted natural birth delivery without the use of epidural. Her reasons being that the baby that is delivered without the use of epidural will be more alert of its surroundings. I am a testament of this when I saw Haruka's eyes wide open looking around the delivery room upon her opening her eyes for the firs time. However, the baby's direction inside the womb can affect delivery. If the baby's head is not headed towards the bottom of the womb when nearing the delivery date, a C-section surgery may be performed instead. Also, Tomomi did not want her delivery to be at a Japanese hospital since doctors there were less likely to listen to the preferences of the mother on delivery and her preference was that the delivery be conducted at a certified midwife's place. Three years ago, Haruka was in the opposite direction when she was around 5-7 months in the womb. We were worried then, but the midwife was confident. She asked us to just let nature takes its course. But she said we can do certain things to motivate the baby in the womb to turn to the opposite direction. We listened in disbelief initially, but tried it anyway. In the next visit after 1 month of trying the tip, Haruka turned to the favorable position!

According to the midwife, the baby inside the womb can fill the temperature of the stomach and body. When mummy is taking cold shower, the baby can sometimes shiver in cold depending if the baby's body is touching the lining of the womb and stomach. When the baby starts to learn to move/swim inside the womb, the baby will naturally choose the most cozy position. When Haruka was still in the womb, it was spring time in Tokyo and was a little chilly. The midwife mentioned that maybe mummy's legs were not as warm as the stomach since there were more clothing covering the stomach than the legs. The baby would thus move towards the top where it was warmer. The midwife advised Tomomi to wear up to waist length socks and additional socks when going outdoors. She also advised Tomomi to take warm showers to keep the baby feeling warm. The midwife taught Tomomi a few pre-natal exercises and advised her to have a pail of warm water to soak her legs when she was feeling cold. When I told this to the Singaporean doctor who is seeing us now for our second child, he said that it was purely a natural process and those steps were not necessary. Our second daughter was also in the opposite direction between 6-7 months in the womb. The Singaporean doctor did not give any advice but just mentioned the difficulty of natural birth if the baby did not turn. The doctor mentioned that there is medical procedure to turn the baby, but usually that is not tried since there is risk involved. So, we tried the midwife tip again this time and within the next month of visit, the doctor reported that the baby's head has turned towards the bottom of the womb.

Even in the womb, babies are using their brains and instincts well. :) This is the marvel of creation. If you check with chinese medicine or other traditional doctors, they may also try a few methods such as acupuncture on the feet by burning joss sticks or other items at pressure points of the feet. I believe the intentions are the same to stimulate warmth in the feet, so the baby would notice the difference in temperature. It has worked twice for us and we will surely try it a third time if we are blessed by God again.

Have you heard of this tip of keeping the legs warm, so the baby will turn in the womb? :) Do share.

(Photos show the process involved for Haruka to wear a kimino and make up for the Shichi-Go-San studio photo taking. More photos and description of the process in the previous blogpost).

Tip 230: Shichi-Go-San Studio Photo

2010-11-11T07:07:00.000-08:00

Shichi-Go-San simply means Seven-Five-Three and is a rite of passage celebration for children in Japan observed around November 15. The ceremony is to celebrate the growth of children into healthy, strong children since in the past around the Heian period (794-1185) , there were young children who faced various health hurdles in their growth. Girls who are three and seven years old, and boys who are three and five years old would dress up. In the past, children in Japan were only allowed to let their hair grow at age 3 years old onwards and thus this celebration to mark their age. It is customary in Japan to take studio photos and then offer prayers in a shrine, but we only resorted to a photo package of SGD240. I am sure this wonderful experience is a good addition to Haruka's childhood memories.

Haruka followed various steps in wearing a kimono, did her first make up and was treated like a princess for a day. The process started when Tomomi saw an advertisement in the weekly Japanese magazine she read. We then went to the home of the Japanese who own the wardrobe of Japanese kimono for kids to try the ones we like (and asked Haruka for her opinion as well). She tried various kimono and even Western dress. But daddy decided that we will just select a minimal photo package and not need to have too many varieties of dresses at this stage. We can have that when we later do a family package when Haruka is close to seven years old and her baby sister is past 3 years old. We decided on the photo taking date and time and waited anxiously for Haruka's "big day".

That day came and it was a very exciting day not only for us, but a few other families who waited in line for their kids at the make up queue. This Japanese business started 10 years ago and have established a good system. They were very precise in the time that we should arrive. We came a little early and had to wait for Haruka's turn to curl her hair and put the Japanese hair clips. Then, an elderly Japanese lady (obaachan) dressed Haruka up with care and praised Haruka in Japanese. I think this was a meaningful Japanse tradition. It is akin to having a relaxing soothing Indian barber hair cut for men in Singapore/Malaysia/ India. The dressing up starts with the under kimono (jubam). Then the outer kimono and little padded jacket without sleeves will be worn on top. Haruka also wore the split toed socks (tabi) and the Japanese platform sandals (zori).

After dressing up, Haruka had her first lip stick and blush on her cheeks. Then, she was ushered to the photo taking studio and the staff praised Haruka for her photogenic ability requiring very little coaxing unlike other kids her age. I think this is partly due to daddy's camera practice with her and her various experiences across the globe having people praise her for candid shots. When she was young, strangers would come up to Haruka and ask for a photo of her to be taken. The grin of Haruka on the day she tried out the different dresses and the day of actual photo taking was priceless.

(Photos show Haruka trying out the various dresses. Photos of her make up and step by step kimono wearing process is on the next blogpost).

Tip 229: Lifestyle engineering for sustainability

2010-11-09T04:51:00.000-08:00

What is a sustainable lifestyle? To me, a lifestyle that is sustainable is adaptable to different cultures, different income levels, different environments, so that for better or worse, for poorer or richer, we are able to live together joyfully. The things we have and the comforts we enjoy, ought not to condition the way we live such that the family falls apart when it faces a situation of poverty or war or sickness.

Yet, the family if given a choice will always yearn to live within its comfort zone. Hence, the need for a little engineering to create situations when we move out of the comfort zone. Quite a handful of jargon in this blogpost, enjoy.

I do not play God in determining the circumstances of my family. Yet, each of us make different choices in life. We switch channels on our remote control or decide what we wish to eat for the day. Do we constantly choose convenience, comfort, speed and material enjoyment all the time? Or do we sometimes choose that which is strenuous, uncomfortable, slow and simple? By adapting to different situations, do we grow better as a person? Or should we be spoilt with convenience and comfort, till we be obese couch potatoes choosing to live for ourselves alone?

It is actually not as complicated. It is as easy as choosing to walk or take the bus when you can conveniently flag a taxi. You may probably hear a few complaints from your wife and child in the beginning, but after a while, they see the value and fun in taking time exercising and begin to build their stamina towards a little hardship. Same goes for carrying and wearing your baby when you can use the stroller. Or delaying purchases and seeking good bargains and avoiding impulse buying all the time. There is a time for everything. Time for hardship and time to splurge and treat ourselves to some comfort. Yet, often we forget to schedule some slow time, some hardship and inconvenient time to make us better stronger people. The key is not making quick decisions for easy way out (unless you get free gifts or free help). Try out the hard way. Only when you have tried it and know your limits, you can consider other options in the decision making process. Then, aim for those limits again at another time. Surprisingly, it may find less resistance and be a breeze for the whole family then.

The bible in James 1:2-4 states, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything". It would be ideal for a family to not lack in anything and develop the necessary perseverance to sustain through time. Of course, God's grace be with us as we grow. And if we lack anything, may we remember to seek after Him for wisdom.

(Photos show Haruka at Singapore Universal Studio, a treat after bearing with daddy's whims and fancies :)

Tip 228: Withdraw Japan Pension Lump Sum

2010-11-07T16:47:00.000-08:00

I blogged previously on the need for daddies to know daily business processes in a new land, as well as the cash gift I received from the Japanese ward office. After leaving Japan, I applied for the lump-sum withdrawal of my Japanese pension and after waiting for over a year, I was pleasantly surprised that I got 1.2 million yen in my bank account.

I will attempt to outline the steps that any foreigner ought to do to take advantage of this privilege of being a foreigner in Japan. It is a proud statement from the Japanese government that they do not need outsider's help to support the local aging society.

First off, to qualify for this scheme, you need to have previously contributed to the pension scheme for a minimum of 6 months and have received a blue book. For full time employees, pension is automatically deducted from your salary every month. When you leave Japan permanently, no longer own any address and submit your gaijin card at the airport, you are entitled to submit an application form by mail from outside of Japan to the pension office to withdraw a maximum of 36 months of your pension contribution.

This seems pretty straight forward, but knowing the Japanese bureaucracy, there are many do's and don'ts in order to get your withdrawal approved faster.

The fastest approval can take 2 months, while the average is around four and a half months according to this website. The withdrawal form stated that the office would take 6 months to process the application.

Mine took much longer as the pension office wrote to my Malaysian address through snail mail stating that my passport photocopy was not clear and that I should contact the ward office where I was previously registered since they have no records of my departure. The reason being I did not surrender my gaijin card. I had not done so because I had wanted to keep my marriage visa active since it was still valid for another 1.5 years. I then wrote a Japanese letter to the ward office and the pension office stating my departure date clearly and proof of residence outside Japan. Alas I was successful and managed to find a way around Japanese bureaucracy.

If you pay attention to detail when filling the form, you do not need agents to do the job for you and can get the payment quick. First, decide if you want the payment made to a bank in Japan or a bank overseas. Whichever the case, you need a bank stamp/seal on the form as proof that the bank has endorsed your application. If your bank does not have a seal, then get them to write a letter identifying your bank account.

As I routed payment to my Japanese bank account, I had to bring the form to the bank before leaving Japan. I still use my Japanese bank to pay my mortgage, plus I would not lose any exchange rate fees routing to a bank overseas. The pension office would not know the existence of your properties if you do not state it in your application form.

You can download the lump-sum withdrawal form from the official website here. English instructions are stated clearly so you need not call the office in a language other than Japanese :)

As I blog, I just discovered that the 20% tax imposed on the payment can be claimed in full from the tax office. It can take as quick as 1 week, but you need to provide the pension payment receipt, as well as a Japanese bank account. Foreigners have been advised to get a representative living in Japan to act on their behalf, but I will try to write to the tax office with my Japanese bank details. If I am successful, I will report on its progress.

You can download the Japanese form for tax refund of your pension. Address of all tax offices in Tokyo can be found on their website here.

(Photos show Haruka a little moody in the hot weather with daddy's lingering photo taking at the Singapore Universal Studios).

Tip 227: Get a job in 1 month

2010-10-31T20:08:00.000-07:00

It is sad to read about the persistently high unemployment rate in the U.S.A. These days, nothing is constant. Gone are the days of life-time unemployment and family owned enterprises with free home cooked lunches around a common dining table with the owner. Hence, daddies need to be equipped with the necessary nimble skills to search for another job if the need arises being the breadwinner of the family. I have my share of stories and tips since it must have been not easy to secure different jobs abroad in Japan, Hong Kong and now Singapore. No time was wasted when I saw signals that the job environment was not rosy. Each time, I succeeded in getting a better job within 1 month or immediately, thanks to God for His grace to accompany my applications.

One method to get a job within 1 month of resigning or being laid off from your existing job, is to prepare in advanced an online resume of your career. It takes time to update your resume and it should not be delayed till you need a job. It takes a while to start on your first thorough resume. After that, you just need to reflect on your career regularly to update new milestones and skillsets on your resume. The next step is to build a foundation of connections. Be proactive in contacting recruiters within a locale or within the industry. First, send them an email with a short introduction and if they would like to review your resume. If they respond, make a point to meet recruiters who likes your profile. Even if you do not have an immediate need for a job at that moment, it helps to be on a databank of a headhunter. Even if the recruiter is overseas, do not hesitate to reach out to recruiters there if you have preferences to work abroad.

Do not expect headhunters to hunt you down if you are not searchable. During the search process, there could be many application forms to fill as a means to knowing you. There could also be many advice to update your resume. Yet, all these processes will only improve your applications.

During my 3 month internship in Tokyo as part of my MBA program, I was determined to secure a job abroad instead of returning home to Malaysia. I spent time searching the internet of the hundreds of recruitment firms in Tokyo and contacted them. I used LinkedIn as an impersonal means to mass email recruiters who have provided their email address to be contactable. As it turned out, 50% of those contacted responded with a thank you and 20% out of those who responded were willing to meet with me. No hard work was in vain as I found out that even those who did not respond have kept my resume and contacted me later. I made a target to meet with a recruiter or any local Japanese friend every day after my job at the intern company. At the end of my 2nd month internship, I finally secured an interview and secured the job in Tokyo, a foreign land that I have only 2 months living experience. Keep applying and keep up the hard work.

(Photos show the family at the Universal Studios in Singapore, sponsored by AIA)

Tip 226: Live on 50% of income

2010-10-28T19:58:00.000-07:00

I previously blogged about ensuring a cash pile of 1 year's income is available in today's volatile economic environment. I do watch The Suze Orman Show, a show about managing money. Suze like me says that she did not grow up with money. The key to managing money is to not let money manage our lives. One method is to only live on 50% of our income. This is a safety net in case one of the spouse loses his/her job, the other spouse's income will be sufficient to cover family expenses.

It is neccessary to build a strong foundation of savings and then only start spending and enjoying money after that. This can possibly go against preferences and philosophies of certain people who believe in living for the moment. But reality is that you cannot be envious of others, but build your own wealth yourself. It really is not that difficult. It just takes some determination to live within your means, or rather 50% of your means.

Be determined to settle all your existing debts with high interest rates. Also, be determined to cut all unnecessary wants and delay them till you have sufficient savings. This can be done with any amount of income. Only invest when you have sufficient savings and the investment money set aside is not for emergency use.

I still remember saving my scholarship allowances every month during my 1 year MBA stint in Hawaii. I cooked meals every day and even volunteered for events to enjoy proper meals and trips. Every month, I will set an unrealistically high target of savings and put all my income into a step up savings account, and be determined to delay my wants till the next income cheque and not withdraw from my savings account. Towards the end, I saved enough for a trip to all the islands of Hawaii and also a cash pile of savings together with a flight ticket to Japan for my next job.

Then, during my job in Tokyo, I saved enough to buy an apartment in central Tokyo within 2 years. I saved enough to get married and now being able to support a family of a wife and 2 kids. All the experiences represented in the photos on this blog are through the most optimised way of spending. I only travel when it is free or through the cheapest available means. None of my wealth is inherited either from my parents or from my spouse. I am the only one working in the family and support my wife's and kid's expenses. Anyone can do it. It is through living within your means - or rather 50% of your income.

(Photos show Haruka goldfish scooping, a traditional Japanese game and playing water at her alma mater, a Japanese playcenter near our previous home in Tokyo).

Tip 225: Fully toilet trained at 2 yrs 9 mths

2010-10-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

Halleluyah! I did not expect that day to come so soon when I need not buy diapers anymore. Not quite though, since my diaper purchase starts again in 2011.

I have to admit that I was too anxious, impatient and wanting to rush Haruka to be rid of diapers. It truly is a natural process when reason will take the better of the child as the child understands that if they grow older, they would not want to wear diapers.

Now, even when Haruka has diarhea, she controls it so well that she keeps asking me to take her to the toilet. Dad's job doesn't end. When there is no longer the task of buying and carrying diapers, a new task emerges.

It seemed like only yesterday when I blogged about Haruka being potty trained at 16 months. Yet, even when she could do it, she later refuses as it is convenient when she has well absorbent diapers. Yet, after a few nags and encouragement, one day she just decides to be diaper free.

I think one breakthrough is that Haruka begins to be more comfortable with toilet seats. It may require some courage initially to reach for a high toilet seat and sit firmly on a large bowl. As she could start a habit of using toilets outside the house, she need not depend on using only the potty at home. This habit improves bowel control throughout the day. Hence, parents may be able to quicken the process by encouraging the child to use the toilet seat at home once the child is potty trained. It took Haruka just 2 years and 9 months to be 100% toilet trained and I am very proud of her.

(Photos show Haruka with new found friend, Mihiro-chan in Tokyo at Inokashira Park during her short 5 days stay in Tokyo. Mihiro-chan is exactly 1 year older than Haruka).

Tip 224: Early anticipation of new baby

2010-09-23T20:33:00.001-07:00

I wrote in my first blog entry that a corporate welcome by the family to the baby that enters the world may be necessary animal instinct to define who family is. It is as important to the new baby to know his/her family early, as well as the other members of the family to appreciate the arrival of the new addition. A new addition in the family poses new dynamics sociologically to each member of the family. And that includes the eldest child.

It is best to start creating new pictures of loving bond of the whole family to the eldest child. I start mentioning the baby in some of my conversations with Haruka, even if the baby may arrive later 6 months in the future. I encouraged Haruka to learn to be a responsible and well behaved elder sister whom the younger baby can regard as sensei (teacher in Japanese). Haruka proudly nods and tries her best to impress me for a while and forgets after a while her role to leave a good example.

I encouraged Haruka to sing and to read near mummy’s belly, but she has not gathered enough motivation to do so yet. I would ask Haruka if she likes to play with the baby in the future and what games she likes to play with the baby. As Barney says, "With just a little imagination, you can have lots of fun."

Kids these days learn very quickly. Even children under age 2 years old can understand the concepts of baby. I took Haruka to each of Tomomi’s medical check up and she could see the fetus in the womb on the computer monitor. I now remind Haruka each time not to scream near mummy as the baby has ears inside the womb. Though Haruka never listens, but she understands. I will check with the doctor later, if Haruka can be nearby and be part of the delivery process. I was very much involved in the delivery room during Haruka's birth where it lasted more than 6 hours without epidural, but lots of hubby hand holding.

Daddy wants the best possible outcome. Now, the task of managing children is magnified. This blog now exemplifies a more authentic daddy role. Just managing one child as previously, may allow for more idealistic aspirations and little down to earth parenting.

With God’s enabling, I pray that I will be a just and loving daddy. May I learn a few tips from my Father in Heaven to share with all of you.

(Photos show Haruka at two separate medical check ups when I managed to sneak a camera shot. Also, Haruka enjoying herself when she was at Ishigaki, Okinawa in August).

Tip 223: Trust and not Judge

2010-09-21T20:46:00.000-07:00

All of us have our preconceived judgments on people, places and things. We sometimes hold on too tightly on the wisdom that life has taught us or the familiarity that lightens our anxiety.

There is truth that a square object would not fit a circular mould. Yet, our judgement is based on a 1 dimensional flat plain of a single time horizon and a particular environment and location. Life can bring lots of beautiful surprises, as our God has a good sense of humour.

Different seasons of life can change a person. New environments can bring the best out of a person and even change them for good permanently. A square ice can certainly not enter a circular mould. But, when the ice melts, it can surely fill any mould. We just need to withhold our judgement and trust in the goodness and beauty of a person. The perfect timing of God has much in store for good to happen when it is hoped for.

I used to have preconceived ideas about the different countries I will work at, even before I step foot on them. For instance, I had thought Tokyo was a dense, crowded and polluted city. My 4 years living there have changed my impression totally. I think Tokyo is an extraordinarily beautiful place which does not feel crowded at all if you know where to hang out. Based on that decision, I even bought a small apartment in the very center of Tokyo which is being rented out now.

I have also heard lots of exciting things about Hong Kong being a nice place to work in. I later found that it can be a gloomy place when the sun cannot penetrate the thick smog and the tall skyscrapers filling the skyline. It can get disorganized in some places when quick aggressive citizens push around in crowded areas and speak loudly and rudely, though this observation came from my wife and I have learnt to see it through her eyes.

This impression left me thinking that all of China is the same, yet I saw the most beautiful blue skies in Beijing when I was there for a week and was wondering where was all the pollution that I was expecting to see. There were lots of green in the large parks and lakes. Now that I am in Singapore, I have thought Singapore was a very orderly and law abiding city, yet there seem to be lots of necessary improvement before it can manage an ever increasing foreign population. Through all these experiences, I have learnt to be less quick to judge, but to maintain an open mind to marvel at what life can present to me.

Yet, what does it mean to trust? To trust is not to have any worries or fear, but patiently, lovingly and joyfully hold on to goodness and whatever God has in store for us.

To judge on the other hand is to rely on our wisdom and experience to decide on right or wrong and not let go of our feelings of shame, guilt, jealousy, fear, anger, unhappiness and doubt when making such judgements. It is never easy to hold on to a piece of square ice and wait for it to melt to fill the circular mould. Yet, if we insist of pushing the square ice into the mould, there will be lots of friction and pain. We may pray that God brings out the sun to melt the ice sooner, rather than later so the waiting can be shorter, yet it is His decision. We can only wait and why not spent it joyfully.

(Photos show the latest attraction in Singapore, Marina Bay Sands Skypark where I won a one night stay. The skyline of Singapore near the bay area is catching up with Hong Kong, and the view at the top is arguably better with clearer skies. Tomomi is in her 5th month pregnancy and Haruka is enjoying swimming and is not scared of heights, but probably annoyed by the Paparazzi).

Tip 222: Living in moderation

2010-09-18T19:10:00.000-07:00

We had a dinner at a local food coffeeshop in Singapore. Not a posh restaurant with champagne glasses. Or nice table clothes and silver utensils. Also, it was not air-conditioned. I asked Haruka if she would like to go there again and she said no.

I asked Haruka why would you not want to go there again since the food is good? She said there is no air-cond. Initially, before we sat down, Haruka did not want to settle for this coffeeshop. I had to quickly react by saying I will be ordering juice ... when I asked the coffeeshop, they had lime juice, so I managed to get Haruka seated. Do young children already know how to value ambience and the concepts of quality?

A tip to save money is to start to instill a life of moderation in the child while young, so the child will not need to only have meals in restaurants with Michelin stars. Soon, she will not have the same smile as she had at this photo at the hawker centre with ventilating fans and no air-conditioning.

Beyond saving money is dad's role in instilling in the child the ability to adapt to different places. It is also the need to instill humility and a sense of contentment in any and every situation. Paul said in the bible, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength".

(Photos show an Easter brunch at Checkers Brasserie, Hilton Singapore complete with Easter bunny, hit the pinata donkey for candies to drop, kids play area where mummy and daddy can enjoy a glass of champagne in peace. Also showing Haruka at Sentosa Island).

Tip 221: Game of Snake and Ladder

2010-09-03T23:41:00.000-07:00

Beyond the age of 2 years old, the kid begins to like to be involved in meaningful work or activities that allow learning. If daddy merely accompanies her to watch TV or chases and catches her for a round of ticklish play, she will find it boring after a while. When she begins to be able to count, she will find a game of snake and ladder a competitive time well spent with daddy. Since daddy plays it well with her, it is the only thing she yearns to do together with daddy. If daddy would be kissing her with an unshaven face, she would be running away from me sometimes. Daddy is not so in demand around the house. But, at least there is something that I am good at. :)

Although the child will only fully appreciate the game maybe at age 3-5 years old when he or she can count well and on her own, kids these days learn very fast. I introduced Haruka the game of snake and ladder even when she was just 2 years old. I just played a simple version of it, minus the snakes and ladders so as not to confuse her. We had a good time and she has been asking for more.

At age 2 years old, Haruka cannot count accurately. She can utter 1 to 10 accurately, but sometimes she becomes impatient to identify the objects and count them one by one, though she is getting better as we play the game. Initially, she cannot identify the number of dots and markings on the dice as it takes a careful eye to count the tiny dots. Now, she has mastered it. Then, when we start counting the steps on the boardgame, she does not move on the right boxes. She just counts and jumps the characters around and not on progressive steps on the boardgame. Yet, I noticed Haruka is trying to watch and learn how I am playing it correctly and is still trying to learn this. This is certainly a good lesson in counting and understanding the rules of a simple game. After a few more rounds of playing, when daddy finds the time to sit back and relax at home and play with his little princess, I will introduce the concepts of snakes and ladders in the game. When I am busy, I tend to just want to take the short cut of spending time with my daughter by just running to her and hugging her. She detests that now. The key is spending time with an activity that she enjoys and finds daddy most proficient in.

(Photos show Haruka immersed in the game by counting the marks on the dice and a fine day at Jurong bird park where I managed to persuade Haruka to impersonate a pig for a photo taking contest).

Tip 220: Bridging extended family distances

2010-08-28T08:02:00.000-07:00

Each of us have unique family heritages that we ought to value. As daddies, we need also to communicate such value to our children while young to build it in their value system before temporal distractions in life devalue them. Some feel that filial piety is outdated in today's modern society, yet these are sustainable values that form the foundation of society. They fuel love, commitment, long suffering and kindness. While we can easily replace a broken bowl in today's capitalistic economy, it is necessary to drill into our children's value system that there is much gain in life to care for our family with loyal love.

Not many people take pride in their family. I have to be honest to say that if I have fewer lessons learnt in life, I would also find it to be less convenient to take the initiative to bridge the distance. Love is never easy. Just caring for your immediate family - your wife and children is already hard work, what more to care for your parents, siblings and your inlaw's and grandparents. There is less incentive to invest our time when we cannot project immediate returns in love and other benefits. Our extended family may be less intelligent than we are, or less well off, less refined in culture and etiquette, or not taking as much initiative as us to reach out to them. If we review it economically, we see no social capital gained from being connected to our extended family since they do not bring with them a wealth of connections that we like access to, by saying we are from this family. What's in it for me?

It is such circumstances that display love in action. The greater the trial, the more genuine our love, the higher magnitude of God's enabling and working in our lives. Also, the deeper lessons our children will learn from such selfless acts. In today's modern society, we will see larger and longer distances geographically - even if just between cities, culturally accross borders, intellectually with differences in education levels between the young and the old including technology savvy and preferred communication modes, differences in size of social networks between the young and the old, material and wealth gaps and differences in lifestyles and experiences fueled by wealth. Extended families bring a host of complicated history of jealousy, strife, antagony between personalities. It will cost you, so how much are you willing to love?

Let not fear overcome us. God is there to enable us. Take the first step in love. Make that long overdue phone call. Make that trip back home during holidays when family is together. Invest your time, money and emotions and take one step forward in maturity and love. While our logic tells us that there is nothing to gain, love was never meant to be rational and calculative. There is no knowing what can be gained through love and deep within our spirits that will bring us far ahead in life.

(Photos show Haruka with her Chinese great grandmother from Singapore and her Japanese grandmother and grandfather and uncles and aunties in Ishigaki island, Okinawa where Haruka invested 1 month of her time there).

Tip 219: Some No responses are for negotiation

2010-08-06T06:46:00.000-07:00

As I support my company's operations across Asia from Australia to India, China and Japan, I face lots of different demanding expectations. In my observation, whether we find a request unreasonable can be associated on how we have gotten used to it.

The Japanese and Koreans have gotten used to putting in long hours and foregoing their entitled annual leaves. They do not find it unreasonable at all to only take 1-2 days leave a year and let the rest go unutilized.

In many Asian cultures, bargaining is part and parcel of most transactions. Many Chinese and Indians do not find it unreasonable to be offered a ridiculously low price for their products. That is because they treat it with jest that it is a game played in life each day.

An American or Japanese who is not used to such unthoughtful and disrespectful gestures may find this an insult to their efforts spent in precisely pricing the product. Or they may just feel it is a waste of time to engage in petty amounts.

An incident at the Indian embassy of Singapore got me thinking. When needing to apply for visa to India in short notice, a visa agent advised me to head to the embassy myself in case I could get past bureaucracy and get the visa in less than 5 days. I waited in a long queue and during my chats with others, noticed that there was one in the queue who got an exceptional treatment. When it came to my turn for the visa interview, I was adamant that I had booked my flight for an important business trip and hoped to get the visa quicker. I got a No answer. I was surprised that rumours of an express service was untrue. I insisted that I could pay for such service, but was declined. Then, I questioned why there were some who could get it faster. The officer was a little furious, and I immediately apologised for my misunderstanding and got my visa in 3 days. So what is negotiable and do many Asians prepare a range and quota of negotiable outcomes? Do some who are used to fixed rules just accept a No response and forego other possibilities?

My dear readers, I would love to hear about how you respond in a negotiation? Do you treat it seriously and provide a precise and well analyzed response and get frustrated that you have to spend so much effort in a negotiation? Or do you just treat it like a game and boldly challenge the offer?

(Photos show the family at the Merlion and the Fountain of Wealth at Suntec city).

Tip 218: Helping daddy join contests

2010-06-25T01:43:00.000-07:00

As Haruka grows past 2 years old, she is constantly seeking approval from daddy and mummy. She has understood the concept of work (shigoto in Japanese) and she wants to be as busy as daddy and mummy. She gets excited when minor chores are assigned to her as she feels important. She feels she is becoming more of an adult when she can do tasks that adults do.

In the photo above, I let Haruka be part of my contest participating activity. She peels the lucky draw cards that I have collected, takes the stickers out and passes them to me. It seems like an easy task, but it requires knowing how to peel and tear on a dotted line package. As she does it frequently, since I am sending many entries for this contest, she improves on it. It is Haruka who feels a sense of achievement while daddy gets free child labour.

Exposing a young child to adult activity can provide good learning experiences and a sense of pride and satisfaction in work. A child can learn from play, but they can also learn from doing house chores. Tomomi buys a child knife that can cut small items such as cucumbers and trains Haruka to assist in the kitchen. When I come back from grocery shopping with lots of bags to unload, I identify the items that Haruka can put into the fridge. When she does it often, she knows where those items should be and accomplishes the assignment instantly.

It does require some time to identify such minor chores. Also some patience to teach the young wannabe. Yet, its these priceless moments that Haruka appreciates spending time with daddy. When the relationship has such learning moments with daddy, it balances up the moments when Haruka feels unhappy when daddy lectures her to behave. It can be sad when daddy comes home from work only to lecture and scold the child each time, yet not have the time to teach patiently and gently guide the child. The child needs moments when daddy can be proud of her. I am now waiting for the moment when Haruka contributes to my winning contest entry. She can then be proud that the prize was her contribution.

(Photos show Haruka being proud of helping daddy with the Haagen Dazs Word Hunt contest

and the scene from the 31st floor of Standard Chartered Building when the Marina Bay Sands was still under construction. Contest lovers feel free to contact me about this contest and other contests.)

Tip 217: Know who the Best Friend is

2010-06-20T17:50:00.000-07:00

Haruka has a new best friend. It is no longer Barney. Though, she would still enjoy a Barney & Friends program if it is on TV. Haruka's new best friend is Agumon. It is amazing how kids at just 2 years old can develop a sense of liking towards a particular TV character and have the interest to learn about such a character. Parents who know their kid's new best friend can understand better what motivates their kid and drive them to learn and play.

Agumon is a character from the Japanese TV cartoon/manga Digimon. There are possibly quite a few reasons why Haruka loves Agumon. Since age 2 years old, Haruka has decided her favorite colour is yellow. I have once asked her why she likes yellow, and she just tells me it is a beautiful colour. A baby may like a certain colour based on their experience of finding food of such a colour tasty or toys with such a colour a pleasure to play with.

Other reasons why Agumon is liked could be because of it being brave, relaxed and funny. Agumon possesses strength, yet does not seem to be too violent, ugly or threatening. At an age where Haruka is beginning to want to be independent, she looks up to such characters where boldness is matched with likeability.

Such knowledge always help dad to motivate the child towards accomplishing values and habits that are admirable. By learning more about the character, daddy can identify values of such a character and encourage the child to emulate those noble values.

Also, daddy can provide incentives for the child to be performing good habits such as finishing her meal or picking up her toys after play with a Digimon TV allowance or a trip to watch Digimon for free at a shopping mall.

Such motivation can be costly though. Being a thoughtful dad that I am, I thought it would be convenient to do my groceries at the shopping mall that provided gifts of Digimon water bottles. Then, I got myself in a sticky situation where the Agumon water bottle was out of stock and Haruka saw the promotion of the different types of water bottle available and yet she could not have the one with her best friend on it.

(Photos show Haruka at City Square Mall, Farrer Park to watch Digimon perform).

Tip 216: Never give up on life's challenges

2010-06-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

It takes a dad to understand a dad's contribution. It is because only a dad would understand the burden and weight of expectations of a dad once he carries it himself. Sometimes the expectation is self-imposed. Nevertheless, the burden remains. Whether it is at home when interacting with wife and kids, or at work when managing work duties, or at the supermarket when managing the budget, or at the investment house when managing future cash flow, or at a government office to follow up on complaints for sustainable living, or at church, school or hospital when managing child's education and development, a dad faces numerous challenges each day. To appreciate a father, we need to weigh less on the outcome of a father's contributions, but to esteem the fact that the father is still running the race and have not given up on the challenges.

I watched a movie and remembered a quote. "Life is hard. Marriage is more difficult." It is true that with our unlimited wants and ambitions and towering expectations from our loved ones and society, life can only be hard. It is harder for some with limited abilities, talents and intelligence facing the risk of making wrong choices. Actually, it may be even harder for some who are blessed with more in life, the ability to dream dreams and want a better life as they would thus have higher mountains to climb which presents bigger challenges. The more knowledge of good and evil, the higher the chance to sin. Besides just performing duties, each of us are faced with fleeting temptations each day, natural disasters and dangerous people. It must be an achievement for any dad to raise their kids over two long decades considering the many sacrifices rendered.

It is father's day soon. A friend thanked me for my contributions on the blog. She said she was inspired reading them. But she could not take it upon herself to reconcile with her dad so soon. Each of us have different expectations of what a dad ought to do and be. I used to be the same. But now, as a dad myself, I realized that my kids ought to be thankful that I am still alive and have not given up on life. When we appreciate our fathers, we are in effect recognizing that life is hard. Someone gave up their own life to create another. Sometimes, this person may have failed in many of the ideal expectations of a dad. Yet, this person is still alive today and the kids are also growing up through the many contributions of this father. Any father have many weaknesses like all of us do. Yet, he pressed on and continued in the race to fulfil some of his duties, if not all. Who else can do that? Only a father who has some amount of love in his heart. Can we question the measure of a father's love, when no else have done the same? Thank you dad for not giving up on life's challenges.

(Photos show Haruka in numerous coin operated rides in Singapore. If only life is just a predictable ride that needs only a coin).

Tip 215: Coaxing new habits in a baby

2010-05-07T03:07:00.000-07:00

I watched a program about animals and how they cared for their young. A baby seal was with the mother seal on the icy surface, already independently moving around without needing the warmth of the mother. The mother knows that this is the right time to teach the baby to swim in the icy cold water under the ice surface. A hole was made on the ice. The mother seal feels the cold water and dives into the water. Then, it surfaces to look for the baby. It made constant noise for the baby to follow her. Then, it pushes the baby into the cold water and follows it. This is natural parenting. The mother did not think that the baby can swim without persistent coaxing. How else will the baby learn to swim and search for food without her mother teaching it and patiently coaxing the baby the habits needed for survival and living? Who else will the baby learn from? Even if the animals live in packs, they would only follow after their mother. Of course, there are always instances where babies separate from their parents and is cared by another female in the pack, but such is out of the ordinary.

Society has progressed that we think kids can learn on their own. We think others can do the job of caring for our babies. Yet, kids learn best from their parents. Good habits need to be learnt early in childhood, or even while the baby is 1 or 2 years old. Habits such as keeping your toys after play, learning to wait patiently and silently while someone is making a phone call, sitting attentively and listening when others speak instead of playing and distracting other children, saying good morning to everyone even when you are not in the mood, greeting everyone when you enter the home and putting back your own shoes, giving thanks for the food before eating, taking pride in keeping busy such as reading or playing independently or helping mummy in kitchen, smiling when someone looks at you (if the person looks pleasant and safe), knowing what is safe and what is dangerous before doing something or going somewhere. The list goes on and yes, it can be learnt and practiced by a 2 year old. Children may learn all these things by themselves. Yet, if the parent can share them lovingly to the child, the habits stamp a more lasting impact in their lives. If we have time for them, we need not lose our patience and instruct them or scold them. We instead can patiently coax or motivate them to inculcate these values daily. If we feel our children are just not as obedient, then it is ever more a case to spend more time with them. The mother seal definitely would feel anxious if her baby is not learning how to swim. Children will definitely catch this earlier in childhood if they caught it from their parents, instead of from their maid or from their teachers at school. Teachers play an important role as children do look up to certain teachers. But, what if they are none that they look up to or if the children seem to adore TV characters more than exemplary caring adults around them. We, parents need to play that role. If the mother seal can do it due to her God given role, why can't us? Let's do it and make this world a better place.

(Photos show Haruka in Malaysia during the Chinese New Year holidays to visit her grandparents. An uncommon beautiful large well maintained park with wild monkeys at Taman Tun Dr. Ismail, Kuala Lumpur with aunt Oy Mooi who came back from USA and heading to Sabah for good and Haruka's first lion dance).

Tip 214: Enjoying weekly church routine

2010-05-01T22:02:00.000-07:00

Haruka now looks forward to going to church. She would ask us at night whether she will be going to church tomorrow. I attribute this to a routine that we inculcate in her early that she enjoys following. Also, the role of caring teachers in the church that made Haruka feel happy going to the church.

From age 2 years old, children begin to develop preferences and routines that they enjoy sticking to. For instance, they may be unhappy if their parents do not read to them at night, if such a routine has been started. The babies have discovered that they can decide which are the activities to fill their lives. They discovered the power of saying no and the power of saying "please, papa". They begin to value certain food and certain activities more than others. Yet, it is at an early age at 1 year old, that they developed these preferences and how to value the different experiences in their lives. Hence, exposing kids early to praise worth activities, healthy food and noble deeds can yield good returns in the future.

I observe the kids around me. As they grow up, they may prefer to stay home to play playstation or computer games. They may prefer to not step out of the comfort of their homes to go to church. They may find Sunday School and church boring as they may not have developed an appreciation of such activity and not enjoyed a church routine.

Hence, parents play a role to develop such a love in their kids early. Hopefully, this love will continue to blossom such that the foundation will never be shaken should the child is exposed with other competing pleasures and wants in this world, as well as when the child moves to a new place where such familiarity and routines are different.

I thank Mariko Tanzawa-sensei for being caring for all her students in her class. Haruka looks up to her for teaching her every week. She mentions the teacher's name at home and I am sure her stories will continue in length as she becomes more and more talkative and spends more time to reflect on her past day as she grows up.

It is not easy for daddy to find a church that would suit mummy and baby. It is probably less important for daddy to find a church that fits him as he feels happy as long as the whole family is well grounded in a weekly church routine. I thank God that He has given me a strong foundation in my youth, so I can lead my family to do the same.

(Photos show Haruka practicing as a sheep in a Christmas play and a Kid's party/camp at church member's condo on labour's day holiday)

Tip 213: Regular exercises at playground

2010-04-28T02:49:00.000-07:00

Like adults, babies and kids need to exercise. We assume our kids are usually active and running around when we are not with them. We assume they have full of energy and is so youthful like we were when we were much younger. Yet, kids these days may prefer to watch the TV, watch youtube on the Internet on our computers, draw and write, read their books or simply play their toys at the comfort of the home. Even if they go to kindergarten or play school or to the babysitters, there is no guarantee that they are interested to run around and play. They may prefer to sit at the side and watch others run under the sun or simply stay indoors. It may seem unnecessary to be in control of our child's activities all the time. We assume they will develop an interest later for activities that most kids their age will enjoy. Yes, they would. But, it is also necessary for parents to keep a close eye on their kids physical and athletic
development. There is a role for parents to motivate their kids and expose them to the different types of play and exercises. Probably, boys may develop their own sense of play and exercises better than girls. Hence, a dad needs to show his daughter how to climb and how best to utilize the different facilities at the playground. For instance, when Haruka was playing at the slide, I just needed to suggest to her that she can put her hands on the railingand swing. She tried it out and enjoyed it. Sometimes, some of the facilities requires climbing and Haruka is unsure if she can do it. She is unsure of how to step certain climbing railings. I guide her legs and hands when I encourage her to climb. I stand behind her to catch her if she loses a grip. Or I do it in front of Haruka like a big daddy monkey and gives Haruka a glimpse of how it can be done. It is up to her if she takes up my challenge to do it. Else, I will wait for her to gather enough courage to do it at her next play time. What if daddy was not there? I think it will be less motivating and less supportive for Haruka to do her own exercises. Our presence do make a difference. Some kids may be more independent and creative than others. Some kids may depend on our presence to guide them to make the most of the facilities, toys and books around them to learn and maximize their full potential.

(Photos show Haruka at her first hand swing exercise at 2 years old with daddy clapping at the background)

Tip 212: Kids stage shows at malls

2010-04-27T20:24:00.000-07:00

It is amazing that these days, you can bring your kids to stage shows of their favourite cartoon or kids program character such as Barney or Spongebob. It can even be a free 30 minute show event at a shopping mall holding a sales event to attract shoppers to their shopping mall simply to entertain their kids. Most of the time, these shopping malls will not restrict entrance to kids to watch the shows for free. Some malls may have priority seating or photo taking with the characters if you purchase a certain shopping amount. But, this is still so much cheaper than a paid USD$80 ticket to a 2-3 hour show that the kid will find too long anyway. Why waste the money when you can get it for free?

As parents, we sacrifice the luxury of watching stage shows or cinema movies, especially if we have few people to depend on to babysit our kids. This is mostly true if you are living abroad, far away from family or even is new to a place and is unsure of how to locate reliable and trustworthy babysitters.

When I was at London, I was so looking forward to catch a musical theatre of Phantom of the Opera or Cats. But, kids under 12 years old were not permitted. We were even looking out for stage shows that were suitable for kids and even then, most shows were only open for kids above 4-6 years old.

Such kids shows do increase the curiosity, imagination and ambition of a child. To a certain extent, it does expand their wants list and daddy is trying now to teach Haruka to be content and patient. At a young age, if the kids are exposed to the variety of possible shows and fun they can see face to face, their concept of reality expands and they will dream bigger dreams. I tell Haruka to dance well since SpongeBob was giving out free souvenirs to kids who raise their hands up and dance. She did not win anything that day, but now she has a higher motivation to learn new skills everyday.

(Photos shot around Christmas 2009 showing the family at a free photo session with free printed photos of SpongeBob Squarepants and friends from the Bikini Bottom at my office building mall during lunch, Astro Boy/Mighty Atom and Uran at a shopping mall catered for Japanese shoppers; and Barney and Friends singing all the favourites that Haruka was singing along and relating to the character names she knows well).

Tip 211: Apply for something & document your life

2010-04-21T23:27:00.000-07:00

I just had time to relax after a busy day filling forms. That's the life of a daddy who runs the family abroad and relocates his beloved wife and daughter from their familiar territory. I guess I can't complain too much as my daughter is growing up well and mummy is taking good care of her. I just finished documenting all of the information I have entered in the forms I filled earlier into my personal library. I looked into my folders and see tonnes of scanned documents in folders named Malaysia, Japan, Hong Kong and Singapore. All of this forms part of my wealth of experience and knowledge. It defines my life. I reflect back and can only attribute this to the act of applying. It can be for a new job, a university course, a contest, a home loan, a scholarship or even for entry into a country.

Only by applying, will you seek for information and if you are diligent like me, you could document them. Then, the next time, a form requires you to answer your Student ID and addresses of all your universities, or your previous company addresses and salary amounts, or your children birthcert numbers, you have them all ready. Unlike some, I never need to go back to search for my passport for its expiry date because I have them all at my finger tips.

I can say that I am quite an application guru now. To a certain degree, applications can cause some stress when you have not established a base where you started gathering information since young. For instance, do you keep information about your vaccination history during childhood on the types and dates of vaccination? The less you have tracked since the start of your education, the more likely it may haunt you one day when you start making applications.

We live in a mobile world these days and different countries have different information requirements we thought unlikely. Even if we do not start documenting our own life records, we may want to do that for our children to keep thorough records of everything. Or would we want to disappoint our grandchildren one day simply because we are not as savvy in keeping track with our life records and unable to stay with our children to care for their children? :)

Ok, I do think too far ahead for my age. Its hard to suddenly start documenting. As mentioned, make more attempts to apply for something. It can be for a new credit card, an exam for a new language or a new club association if we think that further education and migration are for the adventurous. It is because when we do start applying, our life grows and it may never stop growing as we document and reflect whenever possible. Of course, God is behind our every longing to grow as we seek after His grace in such applications.

(Photos show Haruka sitted at a sofa at church having her photo taken by pastor Keigo Ohtani, her latest fan and second photo showing Haruka with sunglasses at the Marina at Keppel Bay, and next along Clarke Quay riverside admiring a cute dog and being admired by the dog's owner).

Tip 210: Discover quicker better options daily

2010-04-20T17:53:00.000-07:00

I blogged previously about the need to learn cru cial bu siness processes when moving to a new place. There is just so much to do these days that daddy can benefit when doing things quicker and getting faster and better results. Many would criticize of the approach to search for shortcuts in life. Yet, when you are already working hard and doing many things, it does help when you know shortcuts, so you can accomplish more in life. Of course, it is necessary to also know what the long route is and visualize it, so one has a better understanding of others and appreciation of the benefits of finding better options. One such example is how I could get my Permanent Resident (PR) status in just 2.5 months, when others who do not know better, may take up to 5-8 months. This has less to do with qualification, but how to be on top of the bureaucratic and online application system.

When I first applied for my PR, I realized that one has to book an appointment online and the calendar showed that the next available appointment to just submit the application and documents was in 3 months! I was surprised by the number of applications and then figured out that probably some people would have missed their appointments and the online system ought to show the new available earlier time slots. Yet, I checked and could not find them. So I wrote to the PR officer and he informed me that the system does replenish earlier time slots and I just need to look for them. Then, it dawned on me that I needed to search them at night after the system batch job replenishes those time slots that has been cancelled by other users online. I checked at 9pm and found an appointment in the next 2 days. I wrote to thank the PR officer after 2 months and said I am looking forward to be a PR soon and probably got a quicker approval by highlighting my application. Again, there was a need to book an appointment to collect the Identity card when the approval letter is received and the next available appointment date was again 2 months in the future. I followed the same method and checked the calendar at night and found the next available appointment in 2 days time. I figured out that there must be many immigration agents who start booking appointments when they start work at 8am and did not do so when the IT batch job replenishes the appointments in the system around 9-12 at night. If a typical applicant would just select the next available appointment each time which would be roughly in 2 months time ahead, the applicant would already have taken 4 months plus the time necessary for approval which could be 1-4 months, making the whole application period to be 5-8 months time. Then, there is the possibility of having clashing schedules since such an advanced date may welcome new events in life that may require canceling this appointment to fulfill PR duties. Besides this, it is also necessary to get the right photo types and be prepared to make medical check ups quickly upon receiving the PR approval letter. It just shows that when you do the right steps, you can save so much time. Time is money because when I got my PR, I got additional CPF contribution from my employer as well as subsidised rates at government hospitals/clinics.

These are probably some of the things our children may not realize that daddy can do to make things better for them. There are many things a daddy does that does not get mentioned on father's day.

(Photos show more Singapore zoo trips that Haruka enjoys).

Tip 209: A vision of achievements

2010-04-05T05:06:00.000-07:00

At 2 years old, Haruka is growing up well. She has interest to learn and has the attention span to concentrate on minor lessons. I am sure part of it is due to her intelligence and ability to observe and grasp new lessons. Another part is due to her dad providing her a vision of her achievements. When kids play, they begin to learn how to play, understand the objectives of play, derive satisfaction from it, imagine role play and envision different outcomes from the play time. The child observes daddy, mummy and others close to their heart and want to be as clever and as strong as them. They believe that by reading picture books or by playing toys, they not only amuse themselves, but also learn to be like daddy or mummy. They begin to develop a vision or ambition to achieve something more each day.

A child learns through play. But it is through communication with others during play that the child learns better what to expect out of play. For instance, a child may have learnt how to combine lego blocks together to form a larger block. But unless the child is exposed to the different designs and construction possible, the child may be limited in his/her vision to see what the possibilities are. It is not about pampering the child with too much time spent together. At some point in time, the child needs to learn to play alone, learn independence and to think on his/her own. Yet, just 5-10 minutes during each play, it can be worthwhile to point the child in the right direction. To provide a vision of possible achievements, to communicate ambitions and examples of good values and admirable deeds. These are powerful images that would assist the child to dream and to imagine. Then, the child will learn how to create such visions on their own. I would for instance build a new lego design and structure at the beginning of Haruka's play and create a story behind this design and structure. If I have the time, I would point to Haruka the new type of design I tried, so she could review such new design concepts. After a while, she prefers to play on her own and feels daddy is imposing his designs on her. Then, it may take just daddy's presence to play by her side to praise her for her new creations and suggest to her what she can do to make the lego structure more interesting without doing it for her. The vision is painted and it is fun to admire it together and creatively consider the different possibilities.

I do the same when encouraging good behavior in Haruka. I create a vision that Haruka will be praised by her teacher and students at Sunday School. I remind her of how it felt when she stood on the stage in front of the church and recognized as a member of Sunday School with applause from everyone. I praised her on how well she smiled when she stood on the stage and she should increase her good deeds and well manners, so that she will have that pleasure again on stage. When she was younger and could not envision such grander ambitions, I would just point her to a fun role of being a Barney girl. I am sure all this impacts her creative thinking .

(Photos show Haruka at Singapore Botanic Garden, the only botanic garden with many awards that opens the longest hours, yet not charge any admission fee.

Tip 208: To love is to Remember

2010-01-25T07:17:00.000-08:00

As I reflect on life and on my relationship with God and others, I realize that the act of remembering has life changing and powerful impact in one's life. Sometimes, even if the act of remembering does not result in significant good actions on our part to recipocrate and do good works to repay the debt we received from the giver, it is fine to just remember. I blogged once about the importance of remembering God while we were young. I am beginning to inculcate this to Haruka even as she is just 2 years old. Though, the concept of remembering may have little to do with how strong our memory is. It helps to have good memory to remember the details of location, time and date and people involved in our history who have helped us. Yet, it takes more than contemplation, as gratitude may be a function of how we value kindness.

I would always talk to Haruka and ask her if she remembers a certain person and relates the incident and location. Then, I would ask her what that person did and if she loved that person.

It is the lunar Chinese Ne w Year soon. I am preparing red packet 'angpow'. When I was away from the chinese community in Tokyo and London during Chinese New Year, there were fewer friends and relatives that I would need to prepare an angpow for. So this coming Chinese New Year will be an exciting one for me and for Haruka. It will be Haruka's first time receiving angpows as we somehow got distracted with travelling or were busy with work during the previous new year. After all, it is not a holiday in Japan. As I prepare angpows, I remembered my church members who would look out for me during church services during Chinese New Year as they have prepared a RM10 angpow for me. It may not be a big amount now, but its a generous amount for non relatives to be giving a RM10 angpow to a church member and I remembered everyone of them for their dedication, generosity and love shared many years during my childhood. Now that I attend a Japanese church in Singapore, I realized that there aren't too many children who would find a SGD10 or even SGD20 angpow as meaningful to be remembered for, even if I would stick to a routine of doing the same every year. Probably most churches in the city would face the same situation. So what do we do? Do I make a trip to a poor neighbourhood village or to the aborigines at Cameron Highlands to give out angpows every year? Or do I keep a prayerful eye for a needy family in a Malaysian church to share this ritual of love?

Somebody asked Abba Antony (St. Antony the Great of Egypt), "What shall I do in order to please God?"

He replied, “Do what I tell you, which is this: wherever you go, keep God in mind; whatever you do, follow the example of Holy Scripture; wherever you are, stay there and do not move away in a hurry. If you keep to these guidelines, you will be saved.”

We are living in a fast paced results oriented materialistic society. It is becoming harder to pass through the eye of a needle and appreciate the love that God has for us and share that same love to others. Yet, we need to remember. Sometimes, it may mean not being in a hurry always. Find time to remember.

(Photos show Haruka at the Singapore Botanic Gardens and a shopping mall lantern display).

Tip 207: Save first, enjoy later

2010-01-06T07:04:00.000-08:00

The story of capitalism has seen many enjoy great material comfort and luxury, only to lose it within a day.

I watched The Oprah Winfrey Show which showcased a TV anchorman who lived a celebrity life only to suddenly lose his job after 26 years when his TV station closed down abruptly. The next month, the anchorman had 0 income, but 2 mortgages to pay off and a lot of other installment plans such as holiday hotel timeshare plans, 24 month fitness gym subscription, kids' university fees, insurance plans, regular savings investment plans and many others. From a life of cocktail parties every other night, he had to resort to search for a job instantly and decided to take a 80% pay cut to be a part timer at a pet shop.

He had to surrender many of his investment plans and incur losses, sell off assets at a loss and resort to rent a home and car instead. All the years of hard work to build his wealth results to nothing when he incurs great loss when selling his assets and investments abruptly.

Unlike Asians, many do not keep large savings for rainy days. The solution: save 1 year of income before committing to any new mortgage or large ticket expense.

As I look back, I can understand the temptations to enjoy or over invest beyond our means. The sales person who want get you to spend on gym expenses, will sell you a 24 month plan and share with you the discounts you may enjoy. Yet, you may later find yourself moving to another city or country and not utilizing the membership after all. Similarly, insurance agents or investment brokers may give various incentives that may tempt customers to invest beyond their means.

What is the optimum path to manage money to live a good life? God first, people second, then money, then things. Delay our craving on things till we manage money well for a good sustainable future in today's volatile fast changing world. After a while, we may realize things can matter very little.

(Photos show Haruka a little unhappy to pose with a Black Pete (Zwarte Piet, Sinterklaas's helper) during the Dutch Christmas event Sinterklaas feast at the Hollandse Club, at a playground at the Harbour Front mall, along the Christmas lights at Orchard Road and a Christmas party at a home of a Japanese Christian of the church we are joining now in Singapore).

Tip 206: Stir child's curiosity

2009-12-28T22:00:00.000-08:00

As a dad, nothing makes me happier than to see my child grow and develop well to her fullest potential. Haruka is only 2 years old, but she can speak and understand 2 languages, memorize new phrases that she hears for the first time and learn new methods of doing things by following instructions. The other day, I taught her how to greet someone in Korean, and after 10 minutes she could remember the phrase "Anyeong Haseyo", which means good day in Korean. I attribute all this to constant communication with Haruka by me and my wife. One particular method of communication is my constant excitement and enthusiam that I share with Haruka when we have our regular walking sessions.

Children are by nature curious. A baby with good vision after 2 or 3 months is constantly looking around her surroundings to observe new faces and new moving objects. Like a kitten, a baby would be playful with various objects. As they grow taller and walk, they try to play with the door knob, the telephone or the computer. When they finally operate something like how their mum or dad operates it, they feel a sense of accomplishment that they are as smart as the people around them. Yet, at a younger age around 1 year old, parents can assist by pointing out various interesting phenomenon happening around the baby. This would sharpen the baby's observation skills, which in turn increases curiosity and the desire to answer the many Why questions which leads to learning.

I would for instance constantly point to the leaves that are moving in the midst of strong wind. Or to the twinkling star on a clear night sky. Or point to a dog faraway which we would see later as we walk on that path. When I noticed Haruka could understand more, I begin to ask her why would the leave move. And Haruka answers "because the wind is strong". If she does not give me an answer, I would give her the answer, which helps her to repeat this form of response the next time. As Haruka gets more observant as she turns 2, she in turn points to me all these phenomenon and explains to me what is happening. Many kids may only do this when they turn 3, but because of the constant communication I have with Haruka, she could do it much earlier and in turn learn much faster than many children. It is true that kids these days are much more talented and smarter due to the many opportunities the parents expose their children to. They join art and music classes when they are much younger than their parents. One thing that a parent can do besides taking them to all these classes is to stir the child's enthusiasm level. When the child is excited to learn and understand reason, they can absorb more when they go to school and other training.

(Photos show Haruka with Santa, at a clown session along Orchard road, at the best dressed building of Christmas 2009 showcasing Tanglin Mall's decoration made of recycled items, near a large mooncake exhibit near to Chinatown, with a glued giraffe fugirine at a Lego shop and at an interesting ball fountain outside a restaurant that Haruka was fascinated with).

Tip 205: Identify the wisdom in traditions

2009-12-23T17:33:00.000-08:00

Haruka was back in Malaysia for the Christmas holidays. It was the first time she met her great grandmother who is 86 years old. I thought it was good for Haruka to build relations with her extended family, yet later I realized it could not be as ideal as I hoped for. There was the language barrier. My grandmother was born in Malaysia before getting married to my grandfather who hailed from Guangdong. Eventhough, my grandmother had less Chinese roots since she lived her whole life in Malaysia, she did not attend school as girls then were barred from going to school by their fathers. So, my grandmother could not speak English to Haruka and she thought it would be difficult to play with Haruka. That was until I saw photos of Tangyuan in the local newspaper announcing that the next day on 22 December 2009 was the Winter Solstice Festival. It was an opportunity for Haruka to knead Tangyuan with her great grandmother.

Traditions have been introduced by the elders for many decades or centuries with careful thought on how traditions can instill noble values and bring people together. Societies in the past do not have so much convenience and mobility to keep in touch easily. Traditions such as the Dongzhi is a good time for many to make the effort to travel the distance to knead rice flour together to make as many round dumplings as possible as flour was not expensive previously. It also instills patience as a good dumpling is knead with love and lots of attention to detail to ensure its round and chewy. The glutinous rice flour needs to have just the right amount of water, else it will be too dry for kneading or too wet to hold a smooth round shape. If hundreds of balls are made, patience is required and a desire to want to maintain good standards may warrant kneading the balls over and over by reducing the size and rekneading if its too large or too small. Like the Japanese, the Chinese too had many traditions emphasizing the need to put attention to detail.

Nowadays, we can easily ready made Tangyuan knead by factories or vendors in the market, but nothing beats participating in the traditions and reaping the benefits if we identify with the wisdom behind it. Do it - it takes effort, time, inconvenience and unnecessary stress, but there is good in many traditions.

(Photos show Haruka with her Malaysian great grandmother at our home in Petaling Jaya, Malaysia and Haruka with her Malaysian grandmother at the Singapore zoo and Clarke Quay riverside when she came to visit my new Singapore home. Also, Haruka's first hawker center food. The best we tried in our first 2 weeks in Singapore was the Zion Road hawker center opposite Great World City, Tiong Bahru which is clean and has lots of food variety).